Mom, dad and grandpa were sooooooo happy the kids were out of diapers. They followed Runfostermama’s potty reward system she sent and at the end of the visit dad kept repeating again and again “You guys are doing a great job with the kids, thanks so much, great job”.
I appreciate it so much because it’s so unusual.
I’m hoping we’re able to get visits in the community asap. Something like putting the kids all in Saturday afternoon YMCA swim classes and then mom, dad, grandpa, whoever can come, cheer the kids on, have lunch in the lounge with us and make a day of it.
i mean, besides being addicted to drugs… how could she have planned better for her new son? private adoption was out because she wanted to see if the city would let her try to parent. but she was clear on her back-up plan. and her back-up to the back-up plan.
could she have gotten an attorney before Snap’s brother was born and somehow have had control over where he was placed, even if it were to be a foster care placement?
i mean, it’s enough to make me think about getting something in writing, god forbid, if I go nuts and have my kids taken from me… maybe everyone needs one? like a living will guardianship thingy-a-document?
I’ve seen ACS attorneys function in 2 really different ways. The most common being the role of telling the foster agency what to do. Following-up on judge’s orders, etc. In this capacity the foster agency staff see ACS as the big boss who makes or breaks their agency and job.
Then, there’s the ACS attorney whose view is “representing whatever my client, the foster agency, wants”. Although, can a foster agency fire their ACS attorney? I’m pretty sure it goes the other way around.
It’s a tandem relationship, no doubt, but these two perspectives have quite different outcomes.
When seated in court the birth family and birth parent attorneys are on one side and ACS and the foster agency are on the other. Depending on the court they try to stick the attorney for the child in a neutral position which sometimes ends up being an awkward corner. I NEVER KNOW WHICH SIDE TO SIT ON. It’s like a wedding where you’re just there as the DJ’s date.
Which side do you choose? I’ve sat on both sides, always as an unprepared deer in headlights, and whatever I choose I end up sitting as close to the aisle as possible to appear neutral. Depending on the case, the ACS attorney may grab me and take me around the partition to sit at the table with them. I cringe because it’s such a middle finger to the birth family. I also slide my chair back away from the table a little, not that it helps.
Last time in court the judge actually said “Just the attorneys next week, the litigants don’t need to come”. The mom and I looked at each other- are WE the litigants? As in, this court thing is about US? We were the only people in the room not attorneys.
Going to court as a foster parent is so complicated.
Omg, you blogged about the north face camping, already signed up like two weeks ago before kids even got here.
I’m back to my "Why do i care post" about where Snap’s brother ends up. Having his foster agency actively fight against the community-based kinship relationships I have built a la parent-to-parent model [to keep a family together and prevent the kids from being bounced to a bunch of different foster homes] means that so much of my past 5 years as a foster parent have been wasted.
All of the extra time and energy I’ve spent visiting Snap’s mom at Rikers Island, this psych hospital, that psych hospital, this mommy-and-me rehab, family days at this treatment program, middle of the night calls and taking Snap home on weekends even a year after he was returned to his mom- it’s all a waste if her babies continue to be placed with random strangers unnecessarily.
It’s a slap in the face and it really, really hurts. Not to mention it makes me look stupid.
If in foster parent training they would have told us to be polite but distant with birth parents while focusing on caring for the kids, I would have been all “that’s cool, no doubt this was decided by a lot of smart people and smart research”. But no, that’s not what we were taught.
What percentage of child welfare workers in NYC have even ever seen the foster parent curriculum?
This is cool: State Parks and OCFS, with support from The North Face® and its national Explore Your Parks™ program, are offering overnight camping experiences to 135 foster families who are new to camping or looking to re-connect with nature. The $50 gift cards are available to foster families on a first-come, first-served basis. The promotion is good for two nights at a campsite at any one of the 66 New York State parks throughout the state from May 1 through September 30.
But no Runfostermama, I’m not taking the girls camping with you yet. I can barely get them to stay in one room together, moreless one forest. OCFS would first have to buy them GPS locator watches which would cost a bit more than the $50 gift card!
Runfostermama had to do another ER visit tonight. Sadly, as a former ACS worker she knows she has to get every minor rash responded to and documented— especially in these first few weeks of trust building with the foster agency.
But that’s really just the preface to explain why the kids were out past their bedtime so that I can share this text:
"Yep will text as soon as I carry three sleeping kids from car. Carrying all simultaneous. Got this down."
She’s so freaking amazing.
They haven’t returned any of the law guardian’s [attorney for the child] calls either so I’m trying to encourage Meghan to not take it personally.
All 3 of Clementine’s siblings have been out of diapers since Friday without accident. There’s been a lot of congratulatory calls from grandpa and now I’m buying up all of the toddler and little girl underwear in downtown Brooklyn.
Everywhere I go on errands I can ask people to call her and say “What is your address? Why didn’t you give the foster agency your address?!” I could get people at work to do it, the grocery store, the bus…. But I won’t. It’s fun enough just imagining her response.
- and starts saying bold things to foster parents after their first weeks of court like “the judge can’t make us clear you”. it’s one of the most telling reveals of just how deep and dark an institution’s dysfunction is.
I want to tell them “Run, get out fast while you can! This isn’t you, I’m sure you’re a good person. Any chance you have of growing an actual career is about to go down the tubes. Never mind the erosion of your soul. Run.”