Fosterhood in NYC

I’ve picked-up a side blogging job since I have two kids now.  It’s a for-profit mommy website (e.g. a company) and I write about, you guessed it, foster care.  When I agreed to work for them I refused the part of the job where I put their ‘badge’ on this blog. 

I haven’t linked to them at all because I want to be above reproach with regards to blogging, money and my foster kids’ confidentiality.  Now that I’ve been blogging for the other place, it seems silly not to include this community.  You have a lot to contribute and could make a major impact on the national discussion on foster care.

I get paid a flat rate (well under $1,000 a month) and the only way I would financially profit from more readers is if I was #1 and trust me, that’s not going to happen and if it did, it’s just a couple of hundred extra.  Anyway, what do you think?

Am I the only foster parent without a fax machine?

No face spooning during the past two nights. We all got good sleep. Just when things start to seem too much, one of the baby ladies throws me a bone.

Create a “Shared Parenting” (parent/foster parent relationship) guide.  Or hell, just start with a pamphlet.  Something that both parties can point to as procedure for handling one of the most complicated relationships ever.  “I think this issue is on page 4, let’s see what it tells us to do…”

There’s the foster parent manual that birth parents don’t see.  And there’s the birth parent rights stuff but nothing about how the two work together.  To engage birth parents it could start off with “…research shows (citation) that positive birth/foster parent relationships result in kids going home faster.”  (yeah, that’s true I just don’t have the source on me).

It could be written in a cute, light way.  For example, vacation policies.  “Foster parents are encouraged to take their children on vacation with them.  This is because 1…2…3… Birth parents are encourage to be supportive of vacations…. visits will always be made up…. the foster agency will have the local address, hospital, police station of where the child will be staying….”

“Phone call courtesy.  Depending on the circumstances, some parents and foster parents communicate by phone.  If you do this, here are some ground rules.  1. keep calls between 9am-7pm (or whatever)  2.  call once and allow 48 hours for a return call.  if your call isn’t returned, contact your case worker…”

More topics: “Bruising or marks on a child’s body”, “Steps/Considerations when you get upset with one another”, “Clothing”,”Positive Conversations Topics”, “Discussions to avoid having in front of the children”, “holidays”, “changing visit schedules”

you get the point.  is anything like this out there?  who’s going to start on it?  ;)

Clementine never half-asses a smile. The simplest goochy-goochy-goo results in her arms being thrown back, her body twisting and arching, her mouth flying open and her legs a kicking. She makes smizing look amateurish.

Sandy went from falling asleep independently and happily in her crib each night to now needing to spoon my face. It sounds sweet but it’s actually annoying as fuck. When did I even make spooning my face an option? WHY did I make spooning my face an option? I mean, she always had to have the pacifier, and the rhythmic patting and her blanket over her face just right. But then came the thumb digging into my eye thing and tangling her fingers into my hair as part of her ritual.

When she wakes up alone in the crib she screams a genuine scared to death cry with real tears and everything. I pat her, i pull her crib against my bed, I weave both arms through the railing to hold her, I kiss her forehead, but still it’s not enough for her. All night long. The poking of her thumb, the annoying pinching of my face and pulling of my hair. Do you know what Clemmie needs to go to sleep? N.O.T.H.I.N.G.