May 2013
Finally got a non-blurry photo of Clementine and all of her siblings at a visit last night. Her birth mom was thrilled and I immediately got it up on the (private) facebook page I made just for Clementine’s birth family and friends. Another adoptive mom reported doing the Facebook page thing with success and it’s been a big hit.
Another positive note
One of my foster kid’s ACS attorneys just called to let me know that court is being delayed. She didn’t want me to take the trip to court and waste my time. Super nice of her.
On a positive note, there are several units of the foster agency whereby the first sentence out of staff’s mouth is always “Thank you for your service as a foster parent”. They all say it with incredible sincerity even though the same sentence is used. I’m pretty sure they had some sort of ‘how to retain our foster parents workshop’ and it’s pretty effective.
becuase fuck it, it's my personal life
Note: I DON’T recommend going email ape shit like this. If you do, it’s at your own risk.
I sent one more. I feel sooooo much better, even if they pass me off as crazy, I say tell me that after you’ve put your personal life under your foster agency’s control (for an indefinite period of time, mind you).
“Sorry, just one more thing that is still bothering me. ...
okay, and just a little bit more
Also infuriating is that, at the Family Team Conferences (FTC) to which foster parents are invited, allll info is disclosed. One that I went to had mom’s IQ score read out loud in addition to the long outdated (and totally not PC) adaptive behavior scales stating “mental age of a 4 year old” and “mental age of a 6 year old” (now we just say ‘severe...
just a tiny bit more ranting
I keep thinking about how hundreds of thousands of dollars (if not millions) are spent on desperately recruiting NYC foster parents. The only meeting I’ve been included in regarding my foster kids for the past 6 months happened today and I’m essentially asked ‘can I document already that you’re going to close [cancel your certification] your home already?’ (My answer...
I wish I had better control over when someone gets to me at the foster agency. Or better yet, I wish I could put my feelings in a box when I enter the foster agency and then gather them unscathed when I exit.
I don’t want to be the angry, fighting foster parent; I want to be the fun, easy-going one. Sigh.
Double Ouch
What was supposed to be a quick change of goal meeting at the foster agency totally upset me. I’m trying to channel all of the hurt feelings into some empathy that parents feel a 1,000 worse and have so much more at stake so when they start shouting and acting crazy, remember this moment.
It was just one person and if another person after the meeting didn’t say “wow, what did you do to her”, I...
The budding relationship of Sandy and Clementine
Up til recently, it’s been a one-way relationship with Sandy s.c.r.e.a.m.i.n.g. to hold Clementine. It’s as if she were a dangling Twix bar 24/7. Sandy lunges at Clementine with all her might and roars out “UUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!” and I’m all, “No, Sandy, you can’t have Clementine, remember the last time.” And she’s all “Give her to me!!!!!” And I’m all “No, look at this bright, noisy...
"How do you have time to blog?"
A friend asked me today “How do you have time to blog?” The answer came easily. It’s a compulsion. A full-on, I could blog every second of every day if I let myself, compulsion.
I’ve always been this way. I started a diary in 4th grade and I wrote a solid 10 pages a night. It’s how I process information. Actually, it’s how I process everything. Before...
Note to self: Apple really pisses Sandy off. The only remedy is frozen raspberry pieces.
Blogging Ethics Question: Please Chime In
I’ve picked-up a side blogging job since I have two kids now. It’s a for-profit mommy website (e.g. a company) and I write about, you guessed it, foster care. When I agreed to work for them I refused the part of the job where I put their ‘badge’ on this blog.
I haven’t linked to them at all because I want to be above reproach with regards to blogging, money and my...
Am I the only foster parent without a fax machine?
No face spooning during the past two nights. We all got good sleep. Just when things start to seem too much, one of the baby ladies throws me a bone.
“Random question time: do you think everybody at the foster care agency asks if...”
– Text from Clementine’s siblings’ foster parent to be
2 tags
Today's unsolicited policy/non-profit/grad thesis...
Create a “Shared Parenting” (parent/foster parent relationship) guide. Or hell, just start with a pamphlet. Something that both parties can point to as procedure for handling one of the most complicated relationships ever. “I think this issue is on page 4, let’s see what it tells us to do…”
There’s the foster parent manual that birth parents...
midnight smile-a-thon
Clementine never half-asses a smile. The simplest goochy-goochy-goo results in her arms being thrown back, her body twisting and arching, her mouth flying open and her legs a kicking. She makes smizing look amateurish.
How is this happening?
Sandy went from falling asleep independently and happily in her crib each night to now needing to spoon my face. It sounds sweet but it’s actually annoying as fuck. When did I even make spooning my face an option? WHY did I make spooning my face an option? I mean, she always had to have the pacifier, and the rhythmic patting and her blanket over her face just right. But then came the thumb...
Watch
Random Free Stuff
I’m cleaning again and having one of those ‘I-want-it-out-now” moments. If you want to come grab some or all of it, give me a shout (email me).
1. DVD player- almost brand new
2. Crib/toddler mattress (excellent condition)
3. small bag of baby clothes (definitely cast offs of the ones I least like) WENT TO ANYA
4. books (physiology text, cookbook, novels) I PUT OUT ON THE CURB
5. a bike (was...
WatchThat noise you hear at the beginning that sounds like a coughing sneeze? That’s Clementine’s laugh. We affectionately call it the bark.
All week I’ve been thinking “All I want for Mother’s Day is a long nap”. Finally, I decided to call out of work this morning even though I’m out of days (my director was cool with it).
Bed, wonderful, marvelous cozy bed.
I’m used to seeing Clementine’s birth mom and dad twice a week. I sent them a Facebook message just saying that I was thinking about them and I wished her birth mom a happy Mother’s Day. She sent a sweet message back.
Remember the former ACS worker I found through the blog who is willing to adopt Clementine’s 3 siblings? Well, she’s half-way done with her foster parent certification at my agency, has met the kids and is buying beds.
She’s thinking about blogging, wouldn’t it be interesting to read someone’s perspective who’s been on both sides of the system? And she’s a riot. After my last post she text...
I tried double bath time, too stressful. Going back to taking one in the shower with me each day while the other sits close by in the bouncy seat.
(Update: don’t worry, every third day I put both babies out so I can shower alone)
“Clemmie has the bottles with the animals. Sandy has the bottles with the...”
– Asia
Watching a 9 pound baby laugh is really fucking funny.
Clementine sleeps with both arms reached up to the sky all Pentecostal zombie style.
