December 2009
November 2009
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A few more notes on Family Day in Rehab: Ok, a lot...
Setting aside the simultaneous Dakota drama, here’s how Family Day at Rehab proceeded:
The setting: An empty, cold cafeteria with a pile of Halloween candy (Gobsters, Jolly Ranchers, etc) on each table. I’m given an active, squirming 9 month-old Snap without any toys, snacks or formula. He wants the brightly colored candy on the table. He will not be thwarted from the brightly...
I need to stop reading parenting websites...
As noted here and here, I’ve been getting excited about “free range parenting” and “slow parenting” and while trying to have a relaxing morning, I meandered over to a “slow family living” website. A click here and blog there and then, directly in the middle of boo-on-society-for-always-trying-to-sell-us-stuff, there was a post on “Reasons to Hire Me...
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My body is still vibrating with nerves
Those 3 hours in rehab last night, holding Snap while his Mom fed him the icing off of FIVE pieces of cake while negotiating the custody of a homeless 8 year-old,
wiped
me
out.
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UPDATE on the 8 year-old, "Dakota"
First off, I did not bring the 8 year-old girl home from Snap’s rehab (the last post was made via my iphone). Here’s a play-by-play:
Upon arriving at rehab, a girl standing with Snap’s Mom said “Rebecca, I need to talk to you.”. Given her authoritative disposition, I assumed she was staff. She wasn’t. Instead she was a substance abusing mom, like...
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I’m coming back from rehab w an 8 yr old. I’m not kidding.
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I called my agency to remind them that I'm...
…and to ask if there were any run-away foster care teens that I could drag to my UWS (upper West Side) Thanksgiving rave of social workers and public school teachers. Nope, but I was told to get a bigger apartment so they could give me more kids. I know, I know…
I also gave my I WILL BABYSIT EAGLET AND HER FURNITURE SMASHING SIBLINGS FOR FREE plug and was promised they would pass...
And, my new hero →
ARTICLE THAT HELPS ME FEEL JUSTIFIED IN DROPPING... →
(not the LES one, comrades)
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What are the laws on changing table access?
I was about to name names and lovingly gripe about SCHILLER’S for advertising as child-friendly restaurant (they really were, I counted 3 high chairs) without having a changing-table in the rest room. That was until I was about to link to their website and saw the words “Liquor Bar” as part of the name. I guess I need to find venues other than bars and beer gardens to take Snap...
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Guess what I'm doing on Friday
Please try to stifle you jealousy… it’s family day at rehab. I was invited by Snap’s Mom AND her counselor who oddly said “It’ll be so great for you to break bread together”. Now I know her religious orientation.
I know I sound like a 13 year-old when I moan “Family Days SUCK”. But they do. suck. ass.
I didn’t even think twice about...
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Miracle 9 month old writes Christmas List
Snap's Mom: Can I talk to you for a few minutes?
Me: Sure.
Now I know you're going to want to do something for Snap for Christmas. We may be ______ , ______ or __________. But I'll get him to you.
Thanks, I hadn't really thought about it yet.
So what he wants is an Elmo Live. I'm going to get him one and Jesus said that he might get it but maybe you can.
The lady from Narcotics Anonymous said she is going to get me a whole bunch of clothes from him. Nice clothes from the Gap and The Children's Place. And so-and-so is going to get blah blah blah............and listen to this, some of the girls complained to my counselor that I send Snap off with his foster mom every week and now my counselor said it may have to be every other week. It's not fair because I earned those hours working in the kitchen. But you're coming on Friday for family day, right?
Right. (I KNOW I shouldn't have said this but it slipped out) Should I bring anything (meaning potato salad)?
I'd like a soda.
Ok, I was also thinking of something for the group, maybe cookies?
Yeah, Snap LOVES COOKIES. Could you bring him animal crackers?
I have an announcement ladies and gentlemen
I, Rebecca, have changed a 9 month-olds’ diaper while sitting, pants down, on a restaurant toilet. I’d only read about such feats on the internet…
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Thank you NYC for helping us home during rush hour
Thank you gang of mixed-race teenagers in Harlem who helped me 1. open my bag 2. get my jacket off 3. hold my baby and 4. find my metrocard so that we could get on the subway.
Thank you elderly, black church lady for not judging me out-loud when I let Snap suck on the H1N1 infested subway railing.
Thank you million-dollar-bling Latina gal who cringed only briefly when Snap left three long...
What Scares/prevents you from becoming a foster...
I posted this question on the Dooce community boards and I thought to extend the conversation here:
“What scares/prevents you from being a foster parent?”
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I can't bear the idea that Eaglet is in a...
It’s driving me insane. If Eaglet’s going to be back in foster care, I WANT HER.
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Eaglet for Thanksgiving?
Email:
“Hi Home-finding Case Worker,
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to babysit for the current foster parent(s) of Eaglet and her brother and sister for FREE. I could take just Eaglet or all three one day this weekend, or the next, or the next. Would you please pass my contact information (cell 646.xxx-xxxx) and tell the newest foster parent(s) how great I am? :) I can pick-up and drop-off. I...
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EAGLET UPDATE!!!!!!
I just called my agency with a new foster parent referral and I got an Eaglet update. She and her two siblings were just placed in ANOTHER (fourth) foster home on Monday. Oh, my heart! Before I got a chance to scream “WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME?!?” the home-finding case worker said “we were able to place her with her brother and sister”. To which I replied,...
So I guess I can give him Gerber Stage 2 now
I genuinely take it in stride that Snap’s Mom is sustaining him on a diet of “Spanish food” and “pizza cut up into small bites”. For the record, he doesn’t have any teeth and although he’s 9 months (born 2 months early), he doesn’t crawl yet and he’s only a ‘supported sitter’. I think this makes him “Stage 1”...
My Dream Apartment?
Check it out quick before the ad goes down. My application’s been accepted but I’m suddenly getting very, very cold feet….
Considering the big move to Brooklyn
A lot of my time recently has been consumed by combing through Brooklyn neighborhoods and apartments. I’ve lived in Manhattan for almost 10 years now and more and more my friends are all moving to Brooklyn. Actually, they do ALL live in Brooklyn now and this whole foster care experience has caused me to want to be much closer to my friends.
I cringe at writing the words “I...
Did you know that Borat's cousin is an autism... →
Which Mom are You?
http://www.lets-panic.com/parenthood/quizzes/what-kind-of-new-mother-stereotype-are-you/
Reluctant mom
Motto: That baby’s here somewhere. Characteristics: Calls baby “Dude”; doesn’t want to nurse, because hasn’t she done enough? Can be found: Performing Google searches for “mother who doesn’t lose identity just because of some kid.” Warning signs that this might be you: What’s your baby’s...
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Regarding Snaps Referral for an eval
Snap's Mom: Rebecca, do you think somethins wrong with Snap?
Me: Well, who recommended him for an evaluation?
The women in the nursery, they say he cries all the time and he gets over-stimulated or something.
What fears do you have about him getting an evaluation?
I just don't want them diagnosing him with ADD and giving him medication.
There would be a million steps between an evaluation and medication. Not to mention, I've never heard of babies being medicated.
There's a girl in here and her 2 year-old is getting medication.
Oh. Well, you have the right to refuse. But really, there are a lot of early interventions that can be done that make a huge difference and they are almost all based on play therapy.
But do you think he needs it?
Well, he IS considered high risk from the drugs and, didn't you mention that your brother has autism?
My brother looks fine but he has autism symptoms [note: he's impaired enough that he spends all day Mon-Fri in a program]. My mom was on drugs and when he was a baby he would bang his head against the wall again and again. I think he damaged him brain. I don't think Snap has that, I just think he's colic.
Why do you think that?
Because he cries so much. Sometimes he cries for 3 hours straight [note: since I've had him back he's never cried for more than 2-3 minutes]. What is colic?
I think it has something to do with their stomach being upset, but I also think it starts much younger.
His stomach is fine. He eats Spanish food and he loves it! The ladies at the nursery told me to stop bringing him baby food, they want to feed him real food like pizza. But then he got a rash, but now it's gone.
Yeah, it helps to introduce just one food a week so then you can tell if they're allergic.
But he cries so much, oh I've got to go. Bye. (calls back 2 seconds later) Sorry about that. So do you think Snap needs an evaluation?
My belief on evaluations is that it can always help and never hurt. You can talk to them about his crying and they might have ideas. For example, they may tell you to only give him one toy at a time so...
Yeah!! They told me that!!
Good. That's exactly what early intervention is about. You might find it really helpful. By the way, that day when you told me you were sentenced to stay in rehab until May 2010, I ordered 2 different parenting magazines that I thought you might like.
Oh, I got one- and I love it! I couldn't figure out where it came from but I didn't tell anyone and I just took it. So I think Snap just has an anxiety problem. I've got to go, bye.
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Snap's getting an eval
I received this dial-n-dash message from Snap’s Mom:
Hello Rebecca, it’s me Snap’s Mom. I’m here with Snap and he is very excited to see you tomorrow. I just have one question. They said he needs an evaluation. It’s not for physical, it’s for over-stimulation or anxiety or something like that. I don’t know about that, I don’t think he needs it. I want to know what you think.
And...
Lifestyle comparison
There is so much about this post that my brain refuses to process. Maybe because I was an only child until age 12. Or, being a city girl, I can’t imagine grocery shopping only once a month (don’t the vegetables go bad after a few days?). And of course, taking out “gripe time” would send me bonkers…
Healthy newborn waiting to be adopted by Muslim... →
Foster Care on NPR this morning, thanks D! →
the delay
For those of you who keep up with this blog, I apologize for my delay in posting. I’ve been completely consumed with a foster case at work which I dare not speak of online…
Posts are coming!
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The letter to Snap's Law Guardian that I never...
Jun 17, 2009
Dear Ms. _______(Law Guardian)___________, I request that it be recorded and disseminated widely that I am committed to being Snap XXXXX XXXXXX’s permanent foster parent. In the unfortunate event that Snap returns to foster care, I request that you consider advocating that his placement be in my home. For the next twenty-one years, I will keep my foster care credentials...
Oh, Hell no
A woman came down the subway car playing her flute. She was the typical, loud, panhandling, lunatic that no one makes eye contact with. Keep your head down and she’ll keep going.
EVERYBODY knows that rule. Even the tourists pick-it up quickly. Babies on the other hand are still in that glorious fuck-all-ya’ll stage of defiance. The one acrossed from Snap screamed and arched in...
