January 2010
88 posts
WatchIt makes me dizzy to think about how much my life changed in 2009. Even after 3 foster care kids it still doesn’t feel real… It’s been an incredible opportunity to get to know and fall in love each of them. This montage is a bit sappy, but that seems to be what reflecting on the past year is all about!
Thank you to those of you who have bothered to read along on my journey. ...
December 2009
112 posts
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Just what *is* an appropriate motivation to be a...
Gab asked this question based on Marisa’s link and I decided that this conversation needed a special post all its own. Indeed, people (especially myself) outline all of the wrong reasons people become foster parents. But it seems that identifying the right kind of drive is more illusive?
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oh my god, her teeth!
She has them! They should be brushed! Aaaahhhhhhh!!!!! I’m the worst foster parent in the world! I even already have 2 kiddie toothbrushes- what was I thinking? She has a full set of teeth and she’s been with me for over 3 weeks!
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appointments, appointments, appointments
This week we have 6pm appointments as follows:
Monday- foster care agency physician
Tuesday- WIC/local clinic registration
Wednesday- birth mom visit
Thursday- clinic appointment
Friday- early intervention eval
Next week, we have 6pm appointments as follows:
Monday- case worker home visit
Tuesday- law guardian
Wednesday- birth mom visit
Thursday- agency mental health appointment
Friday-...
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Early intervention rant
Not only do I have early intervention clinicians (yes, that’s plural) calling me on weekends and at 9 o’clock at night, the early intervention coordinator is now calling me to ask if the clinicians have set-up appointments. Seriously!? Isn’t that the job of a coordinator? Instead of coordinating services, the coordinator is just adding to my list of people that *I* have...
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More plastic crap →
Broke-down and bought a booster seat…I’m thrilled to find one that isn’t fire engine red.
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The show must go on
I just received two eager (well, I guess they’re always eager) voicemail messages from Snap’s Mom asking me to call her rehab counselor back to confirm that I’ll be attending the January 10th Christening as Snap’s godmother. Her mother bailed and is going to Florida but she “paid for it all” (supposedly upwards of $1,000) and apparently the show must go on.
I...
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Visit preparation #591
Email to my incredibly sweet babysitter who will be taking Jacket to her visit:
“Just to recap, Jacket needs picked up from Daycare at xxx xxxxxxx Street, Apt. xx. You will need to bring your I.D. Their phone number is: 212.xxx.xxxx. Please make sure you leave daycare with her bottle with milk (check that the milk didn’t somehow spoil) and the diaper bag. The diaper bag should...
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wake her up for a diaper change?
It’s 11pm and I just opened my bedroom door in an effort to crawl into dreamland (she sleeps in my room) but I was knocked-over with the most wretched level of STANK I’ve ever encountered.
I got a flashlight and checked the scene. Nothing unusual or apocalyptic.
Now what? Do I wake her up to change a diaper load???
I did. Although I thought long and hard about it. The deciding...
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The daycare stroll
Yes, I just called our commute to daycare a stroll. It was a couple of degrees above freezing today and the snow has finally melted so I ventured-out sans a lift from a taxi. It was lovely. Quiet, very little traffic and dare I say, calming.
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Wrote a letter to Snap's Mom
…just to say sorry for missing her call and that I hope Snap is doing better.
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Regarding the color of foster parents' skin... →
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"What does mom have to do to get her back?"
No idea. They never tell me.
There’s a law going into effect though Jan 1st in which a meeting is supposed to take place within 48 hours and I suspect I would learn more if such a meeting existed…
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Can't sleep
My mind is racing with fear of forgetting something for Wednesday’s birth mom visit.
Compounding the verbal assault I have to bear from Jacket’s Mom each visit, my agency does not seem to have the ability to discern the validity of complaints from people who have lost custody of their children. Part of this week’s call from a supervisor (everyone seems to be a supervisor) from...
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A christmas message from Snap's Mom
Dial-n-Dash voicemail message from yesterday:
“Hi Rebecca, I’m with Snap in the hospital. Yesterday he had 104 he had a respiratory infection they asked me if he had a flu shot I did give him the flu shot they just gave me some motrin to give to him. Now he broke out in a rash and I’m waiting for the doctor. They said it might be from some food he ate. It might be from the...
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Santa stress
1. Jacket is oblivious to Christmas.
2. Jacket is at that stage where the box is much more exciting than the actual gift.
3. Given Jacket’s Mom’s response to the shoes and clothes I’ve bought her, I fully expect her to throw away everything she returns home with. If she goes home in January (first court hearing) I’ve truly wasted my money, if she stays with me the 6...
Is it me, or...
would my blog tag be more accurate if it said:
“Making it hip as revolting as roaches nibbling on doo doo to be a young foster parent in NYC. Because now that you think about it, you know you wanna you’d rather just buy some UNICEF greeting cards.”
Happy Holidays
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the law guardian's facebook page
I checked it out. She seems cool. Fan of Steven Colbert, Gossip Girls and Mexican Food.
The ACS worker’s facebook page on the other hand….let’s just say her photo has A LOT of cleavage…
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6 More months of Jacket- Minimum
During Jacket’s visit tonight, I cornered our case worker and asked if Mom was “planning”. Planning is euphemism for mom meeting the requirements necessary to get her kid back. Yes, mom is planning (attending counseling and classes); however, “it is very remote that mom will get her back any sooner than 6 months”.
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Live from mcdonalds instead of the marriot tonight
Jacket’s mom laid into me the moment I walked in. Something about not buying Jacket any clothes (I’ve spent close to $400) and tangential complaints from the past that I corrected 2 weeks ago (e.g. brand of diapers). I just listened, told her that I was trying really hard and suggested that we meet with the case worker.
Specifically, complaints were 1. that Jacket was wearing the pants...
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Law Guardian
Call from the agency supervisor who said she couldn’t reach me. Must take child to law guardian’s office in [far away borough] at 2pm on January 6th or 7th.
I’m getting more used to having orders barked at me. I wonder if that’s a good or bad thing….
Now that I’m experienced, I called the Law Guardian directly and she happily agreed to come to my place the...
Agency DRA-MA
I just received a call from the home finding worker saying “I was told that your line is always busy so I’m testing it out myself. Give me a call whenever you can.”
What?! Have I really missed a call? (no mention of my new voicemail message)
I called back, the home finding worker said that this is what he was told by his supervisor who I promptly left a message for (and added...
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Terribly anxious about tonight's visit
I’m just assuming Jacket’s Mom will be particularly pissed because her child is still in my care for the holidays. It’s unclear as to if anyone has told Jacket’s Mom that her mother-in-law was not approved as a suitable kinship placement for Jacket.
Apparently there aren’t any extra visits for the holidays (a relief for me) and subsequently, tonight is Christmas for...
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First days of daycare
Yesterday I wrote a long post detailing step-by-step how I selected Jacket’s daycare. For some reason Tumblr ate it. In short, I called almost 100 places, spoke to 70 people and visited two group-home-daycare-center. It was exhausting, grueling in fact given the weather, and I should probably continue to research more, but I found a lovely woman and her daycare who are in the projects one...
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"Why don't you just have your own?"
“You don’t owe the world”.
Statement made by two different older women at work, at different times…
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Bristling
Tonight and last night (Sunday) I received calls after 9pm regarding routine appointments for Jacket. Since when is it acceptable to call someone at such a late hour regarding business matters?
I let it go to voicemail but I still feel all bent out of shape about it. They’re social workers for goodness sake, where are their boundaries?
UPDATE: Since I seriously cannot take the 3,000...
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the ol' puke in my hair strategy
During a vigorous round of “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes, Knees and Toes” I pulled Jacket’s hands down to touch her toes and on her way she puked in my bangs and continued the orange stream all the way south to my socks.
Immediately after, she ran over to her cup of Cheerios and made up for the lost calories.
I wanted to take a shower but then I realized that she would have...
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Snap gets baptized and I join the m*fia
Snap’s Mom called me back right away and I apologized for bailing due to the weather. Fortunately, her mom just canceled a visit due to same said storm so all is well. Snap’s Mom relayed a long story about her mom buying a $200.00 baptismal suit for Snap’s newly planned Christening. I’m to be at the famous Catholic church as Snap’s Godmother for the all day event. ...
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Stroller in the snow? f.*.c.k. no
So after fretting all day yesterday about today’s plans, I’ve spent all morning anxious about my new plans and the weather. A foot of snow is expected here and while I have difficulty deciphering weatherman hype vs. a truly “historic blizzard”, I pulled a silly, girly move. I called my friends and told them -to tell me- not to do it. They said I would be crazy to do it. ...
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Is reverting back to birth mom's bottle ok?
For two weeks she drank from a sippy cup without problem (minus the first 48 hours). Now she has this bottle contraption and I’m wondering how much to use it. It’s familiar so I give it to her, but I also want to hide it and keep her moving forward on the sippy cup… thoughts?
For now I’m thinking only milk in her bottle and juice in the sippy cup, her choice.
If you can't walk it in heels...
…then the terrain probably sucks for a stroller as well. It’s taken me too long to realize this. You’d be surprised how much cobblestone there is in NYC.
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The babysitting hustle
——Update: She said yes! I think it’s worked out, so long as it doesn’t snow… Also, I’m really glad I named my own price!——
Perhaps you remember my summer-time nanny search whereby I struggled with selecting the ‘sisters in college’ over the “The gorgeous, poised, African-American, 20 year-old who is studying to be a...
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commuting issues on the brain, again
It’s like a ridiculous SAT question:
You have a work drop-in party from 3-8pm in Brooklyn (1 hour away). People at the party are hoping to meet Jacket, your current foster care child. At 8pm sharp you need to pick-up your former foster care child, Snap, in the Bronx. Jacket cannot go with you to the Bronx. Taking Jacket home will cost you an extra 90 minutes as (in this SAT land)...
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So far, she's answered this a lot better than...
“(click here) Because I would rather be trying to change the system from the inside… than complaining about it from the outside.”
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The Early Intervention Coordinator Came Today
I never heard back from the ACS worker; however, I consented to the early intervention eval to be a good sport. I’m guessing Jacket won’t qualify for the program, but if she does, there will be A LOT of meetings. Starting with a “city official”- what the hell does that mean?
Anyway, the program wanted to come this weekend, and I’m proud of myself for saying no. ...