Fosterhood in NYC

without formula.  without diapers.  without anything.

The metrocard trick through the side of the door didn’t work and my friend with the spare keys is in Japan.  JAPAN.  As in, the other side of the world.

So, of course, the first order of business is for Eaglet to move her 11pm Poo up to the 6pm Poo for the first time ever.  And make it a giant one with noises so loud I hold my breath that the premie diaper can take it.

Next, cue Eaglet to decide that despite having just finished a bottle, said 6pm Poo has left her suddenly STARVING.  Have you ever seen a really hungry infant?  They WILL find something to suck.  They will twist their little heads around like the exorcist, rooting and vacuuming in air until they find you.  And then, when your arm, knee, knuckle or hair doesn’t produce milk, they become a whole new level of never before seen rage.  If they had the coordination to crawl up the kitchen counter they would grab the pear knife and CARVE OUT YOUR EYES.  Because ye who takes longer than 10 seconds to feed the newest souls on earth will rot in the bowels of hell’s demons.

Standing on the street, I’m eventually surrounded by homeless people telling me my baby is hungry and smelly.  Yeah, I KNOW.  And where are her socks?  Oh, and is she your daughter?  As in, she can’t be your daughter- we think you just murdered a pregnant, black woman and cut out her baby so wait here while we check the local news and call the cops.

Now skip to me feeding Eaglet little cap fulls of bottled water.  On the stoop.  In 100 degree weather.  Surrounded by East Village’s finest street people. 

I think I’ve created a whole new level of ghetto.

It’s July in New York City.  80 and 90 degrees.

But sunshine be damned because your baby better have on a onesie, a shirt, pants, a sweater, a hat, socks, shoes, and two blankets.  And a pacifier and pacifier chain.

Fail to have any one of these items and you will be executed.  And there better be a back-up of everything in the diaper bag.

I saw this at Snap’s Mom’s rehab when staff would shout, “Where is that child’s shoes?” when we would be walking out the door.  They looked at me as if *I* was the crazy one when I responded in confusion “but he’s only 13 weeks old?”.

I have been on the phone or emailing someone for 4 days straight in an attempt to advocate that my new foster child not get lost in the system.  I still don’t have ANY medical records, not even her birth weight.  This time around, I got a kick ass ACS case worker though.  She is ON it and she found a stack of prescriptions and doctors appointments that Eaglet’s already missed.  She calls me to check in and she is putting the pressure on my agency to do their job.

The agency (meaning more than 3 employees) is pissed.

The agency has since told me not to speak to the ACS case worker claiming that she’s not “the case worker”.  “Your case worker is ___agency case worker___”.  I guess that works on most foster parents, but I know that there is an ACS case worker in addition to the agency case worker and that we are all a team.  

I’m going to talk to whoever can get me answers. 

You can set your clock to this child’s once daily poo.

11pm, “How Poo Can Kill You!!”.  Only on Fox News.

——-Original Message——-

Sent: Wed 7/22/2009

To: foster care agency case worker dfa.state.ny.us

Cc: ACS case worker @dfa.state.ny.us

Subject: Eaglet placement

Hi Mr. Foster Care Agency Case Worker,

During Eaglet’s on-site foster care agency medical today, Dr. XXXXX provided a list of information she stated you have access to and that I should have been provided with already. Also, Ms. XXXXX (ACS) had similar questions during her home visit. I think you stated that I should obtain Eaglet’s medical information from the birth mother? I’d like to get it from you instead. Here goes,

1. hospital of birth

2. hospital discharge date/date child came into care

3. hospital discharge plan

4. birth weight

5. discharge weight

6. weeks gestation

7. formula previously fed

8. something regarding synagis referral

9. was WIC application started (I didn’t even know WIC was an option during the last case we worked on together!)

Regarding the Ferrous (iron) prescription dated 7/XX/09 that you had me sign with the verbal agreement that I would fill it immediately, I ran into a road block at the pharmacy without a medicaid number. Please advise. Also, I found another prescription for Polyvisol dated 7/XX/09 in the diaper bag.

Additionally, I recall during our last case’s hearing (5/XX/09) that you stated the court ordered number of birth mother visits (3 per week) were not being met due to my work schedule. ACS was not pleased and I neither was I. I want to make it very clear that my work schedule does not, and will not, interfere with visits. I would like to always adhere to the number of court ordered visits Eaglet has with her birth mother and siblings. You also know that I’m a stickler for visits being supervised if they are ordered as such. I remain uncomfortable with supervising visits. I was pleased that Eaglet’s first visit as my placement was supervised. I believe there are some non-profit agencies who have reached out to __Foster Care Agency__ who have grants to help supervise visits. I’m happy to help coordinate this.

Thank you for all of your hard work!

ACS- Administration for Children Services (aka the government) who out-sources the dirty work to various

Foster Care Agencies- usually a non-profit organization who coordinates everything.  Then every institution and person except for the foster parent is assigned

Attorneys with the foster care child’s attorney described as the

Law Guardian

OSI/ACS worker- ACS Office of Special Investigations- the department in charge of investigating foster parents when there’s been an allegation.

The Detective- literally, the hero of the story.  She did the impossible by creating a bridge between me and Jacket’s mom.

Not sure where to begin…. in the first 24 hours,

I went to the agency to pick-up Eaglet (as I will now refer to her),

met her birth mother and entourage,

found out that we have the same incompetent agency case worker as I did for Snap,

argued with said agency case worker,

had ACS’s Office of Special Investigations visit my apartment (will explain later),

took Eaglet to her agency medical appointment,

took Eaglet to her agency mental health appointment,

took prescriptions to the pharmacy,

stopped by neighborhood clinic for registration,

went shopping for premie goods,

had babysitters/nannies over for lunch for a meet and greet,

agonized over new voicemail messages from Snap’s Mom,

and googled “infant chunky vomit”.

I think Snap’s Mom and I broke-up.  It was a remarkably civilized ending.

This was the first weekend that I didn’t see Snap since I had custody of him.  It’s also the first weekend that I didn’t pursue a visit.  As mentioned earlier, I met Snap and his mom at his pre-op appointment last Tuesday.  His surgery was postponed to an undetermined date and throughout the appointment Snap’s mom was consumed with unsupervised time with Jesus who had met us at the hospital.  This was the first goodbye we had in which neither one of us was jonesing to confirm the next meeting.  She walked away with a cigarette in one hand and pushing Snap in the stroller with the other.

Maybe it was because I didn’t bring the swim diapers.  Maybe it was because I told her the week before I was considering taking another foster baby.  Or maybe, it was just Jesus.

But it seems like it’s over…………..for now.