September 2009
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Snap and the Pears
Click here http://richwiley.net/ then select the blue birdhouse, then Highchair.
You might recognize this commercial. If you haven’t seen it, it will make you want to have babies. I dug around for more hours than I’m willing to admit to find this clip because it is the EXACT OPPOSITE of my recent mealtime experience with Snap.
When I picked-up Snap at rehab on Friday his mom gave...
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Still searching for my identity as a young,...
Really, this whole blog is about me figuring out who I am and what my identity is as a foster parent. Even when I selected the name of this blog, the word ”fosterhood” was a subtle nod towards my discomfort in calling myself a parent. And if being called a parent is challenging for me, I practically had a partial seizure the first time a pediatrician called me “mommy”. At...
Mommy meet-up disaster
I recently joined a second ‘mommy group’ that comes with rave reviews. Last night one mom from the group had a drop-in whereby we were supposed to dig through hundreds of baby clothes that another mom had received and didn’t want. Seeing as I’m between babies and I had Snap for the weekend, I decided to stop by.
Big mistake. I left holding back tears. I felt as though...
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OMG- I'm picking up Snap at 5pm!!
I have/had a private practice client at 6pm but I’m canceling. I’ve only ever once canceled an appointment, I feel bad- but I really want to see Snap. That said, I KNEW I should have put a onesie in my bag before going to work today. I just didn’t want to jinx myself…. I’m already here and I just received the call that I’ll have Snap for the night. Man is...
I knew there was probably a non-profit out...
A while back I sloppily posted this description of a non-profit idea. Well, it turns out it exists already and it’s called “Raise Me Up”. It doesn’t look like there’s much going on in the NY chapter though…
And, to my friends-I-know-in-person out there, You should do this.
You’ve all been a lot more than just a ‘volunteer’ in the lives of Snap and Eaglet….
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F*CKING HELL I CAN GET FREE CHILDCARE!?
I’m quite confused. I was originally told that the only childcare assistance option would be an ACS voucher and based on my research, every single ACS voucher accepting day care center had a waitlist that was years long.
Now my agency is saying that all foster care children get free childcare, period. I’m to turn in my pay stubs to show that I’m working full-time. Ok, done.
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Call from Snap's Mom- She had a dock
Hey Rebecca, Snap sat-up all by himself today for like almost 5 minutes!
Oh my gosh- that's so fantastic. Congratulations!
Thanks. He still won't hold his bottle though.
That's ok- you can get some really important bonding time in with feed him right now. He'll be running around feeding himself before you know it.
Hey Rebecca, there's this girl here in rehab who comes from a rich family and SHE can’t even get her kid back. My family was rich too. I grew-up with a dock. A DOCK! We had parties and big house and a dock. You know, we had a DOCK. Did the ACS worker come to your house?
Yes- I'm all cleared.
Ok, good- think you can take Snap tomorrow?
I think the ACS worker needs a few days to process the paper work. He specifically asked me not to send any emails in the meantime.
. Yeah, I asked my counselor if you had stepped over the line with that ruffled feathers thing. I was really worried that you had stepped over the line, but she said you were right, so that's good.
Yeah, I was really pissed off.
You know, I grew-up with a dock. We had parties and big house and a dock. We had a DOCK.
You're reminding me of that song "I'm on a boat".
What?
Nevermind.
So, I know this girl who has liberal rights and she gave her baby to someone else but she can see him anytime. But I know this other girl who only gets to see her baby three times a year. I told her that you would let me see him all the time. You know, I just really want to see him on the weekends sometimes.
Well, there are a lot of different ways to work this kind of thing out, but you've got to tell your lawyer.
I don't like him.
Sigh- I don't know what to say then.
I have a confession. Before Snap was born I was actually in a mental hospital. I was really depressed. That's why I was in the Bronx. And then (-I got lost at some point here-) That's why I didn't see Snap.
I have a confession, too. I know you didn't go to Florida for your "uncle's funeral"- you were in Rikers (speaking to when she missed a visit months back because she was in prison).
Yeah, I had to serve 10 days there. How did you know?
The internet.
Oh SNAP!! my mom would do that to me all the time! I'd be on the phone telling her I'd come see her for her birthday and she'd be all "No you're not because you're ass is in jail". She always knew when I was in Riker's which was like every other month. She'd find that stuff on the internet too. Oh, Snap! Did I tell you we had a dock?
Children only make sense if you need free farm... →
“Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation,...
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hysterical parenting = Less foster homes
According to my thought of the day, anyway.
I really like this article on hysterical parenting. It helps to articulate my mental shift from “I can’t afford/don’t have time to be a foster parent” to “holy shit, I have a lot to offer”. Here are some personal, hysterical down-grades I’ve made which enabled me to give foster parenting a go:
1. Scrapped the...
New York Times 2007 series on Foster Care →
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Snap's Newest ACS Worker 'Cleared my home'
Last night Snap’s Newest ACS Worker, whose supervisor was the target of my pissy email, came and ‘cleared my home’. I’m not sure why my ACS foster care license wasn’t sufficient, but I saw it as a way for the crotchety, butch, hobo boss to save face.
Snap’s ACS worker was very friendly. He told me that he was off from work the day I sent the above mentioned...
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Declining this baby was one of the hardest things...
I was on the phone with my foster care agency’s home finding director for over an hour last night. More of this baby’s story is as follows,
Mom has a good, pushy lawyer, ACS has a “spineless” lawyer and the child’s law guardian is “useless”. As a result the foster care agency is being bullied into moving the child to a different foster home. ...
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Regarding the "white baby" they want me to take
I just got a call again about this baby but I let it go to voicemail. After talking it over with a friend who is a psychologist and happens to be a mixed-race foster mother to three very white kids, I’m feeling really uncomfortable about this child.
The way my friend phrased it was ”Tell them you don’t want to be part of a disrupted placement just because of the color of the...
“I’m calling you about another baby. The baby is white and we’re not...”
– Foster Care Agency
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Post-meeting shopping with Snap's Mom
After the big ACS meeting last week Snap’s Mom got permission from everyone (but me!) for the two of us to go shopping. I held my breath the entire time but surprisingly, she didn’t ask me for anything. She talked a lot about how she wasn’t going to ask me for anything anymore. I reflected back pride and praised her independence.
Snap’s Mom shops exactly as you would...
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I think something is wrong with Snap
After yesterday’s meeting, I got a couple of hours in with Snap. He’s now 7 months old but due to his prematurity his adjusted age is 5 months. I’m concerned because he still does not make eye contact. In fact, he resists eye contact. I wrote a while back that his personality was “starting to pop”, a statement that I now think was more hopeful than fact. He...
Talking points for the ACS/Snap's Mom Meeting at...
So today is the big meeting. I called my brillant friend who happens to also be a psychologist and foster parent. Here are the talking points she helped me create, if I’m asked to speak at all:
1. I felt like my intentions were misunderstood…blah blah (regarding visiting snap and his mom in rehab)
2. I was getting the message that somehow what I was doing was...
The day I met Snap's Mom
I arrived at the foster care agency to receive my very first child. A two-month old boy born with cocaine in his system. His mother was described as a “white-Jewish woman named __Snap’s Mom___” and her son was coming to me because the “Jewish family that he’s with now doesn’t want him because he’s started to get some color”. This is all the...
"We had olive tapenade, popcorn, rum, and cursed...
A mom’s tweet about the new mommy get together thingy that I took a turn hosting. They don’t even know about this blog, I’ll have to get on that.
If I had a second chance to name my blog
it would be www.ikeepafosterkid.com a la the famous www.ikeepadiary.com
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Snap's Mom Called- I'm invited to an ACS Meeting
Snap’s Mom called to invite me next week to the ACS meeting forced by my pissy email. I’ll get to meet the recipients of said email.
Fun times. There’s no backing out now.
Agency called- they have a baby boy
I didn’t say no right away, but we talked about it and agreed to try finding a more permanent placement for me- meaning a kid who’s going to become available for adoption. The home finding case worker also mentioned that her office tried calling me three weeks ago regarding a more permanent placement. This doesn’t really make much sense and I don’t recall any messages. ...
