February 2010
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A friend from Australia just flew in town to stay with us and Jacket has projectile vomited 5 times and now I’m feeling dodgy…
January 2010
88 posts
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uhm....
Two babies and one crib. What was I thinking?
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The ultimate shlep
The law guardian canceled so I canceled the babysitter. I’m going to rehab first to pick-up Snap at 5pm. Good ol’ Carmel Car Service will pick us up and rush us down to pick-up Jacket at daycare by 5:30pm. The car will then take us home for a grand total of $43.
A taxi home with Snap would have cost $20 and I was going to pay the babysitter $20 so I’m not sure if I just made...
I’m the minority in one of the last minority-run, community-based foster care agencies.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/30/nyregion/30foster.html?fta=y
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an update on daycare in the projects
The day Jacket displayed symptoms of pink eye the director of her daycare recommended that I take her to the emergency room. Really? I asked, for pink eye? “They have to take you. Tell them she’s in pain”. But she wasn’t in any pain. And then I realized that this is the mentality of the neighborhood. The director is one of those people who clogs up Emergency Rooms...
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not for the faint-hearted
I asked my babysitter to elaborate on her “mom is not friendly today” text and she sent the following:
“She was arguing with the other people there when I walked in and she wanted to know why she’s always in pink and the same pants. Then she was just saying how you’re not doing your job and she doesn’t want her around me anymore….she said she...
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Pre- birth family visit drinking
Live from a bar called Superfine in Dumbo (if you’re here and you’re reading this I think you need to buy me a drink), I’ve started the liquid-emotional-lubrication early before I see Jacket’s birth mom.
For the past month my babysitter has braved Jacket’s mom and brought her to the weekly visitation. Now that Spring semester has started the babysitter has class...
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Snap and Jacket together this weekend!
It’s been over 2 weeks since Snap’s Christening and I hadn’t heard from Snap’s Mom. I started to get worried that she might have written me off- perhaps she didn’t like the Christmas gifts or something. But alas, as always, she called. She’d like for me take Snap from 5pm on Friday until 5pm on Saturday.
Done.
AND I have help figured out this time. My...
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Just found out that when things got heated around me taking Snap home on the weekends, someone from the commissioners office actually called my agency and spoke to the home finding worker in an effort to get dirt on me! Fortunately, there was none.
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I became a mom today
I became a mom the moment I sent this email off to the program director at my job:
“I’m mortified to be saying this but I’m going to be late tomorrow ‘cause my kid’s got pink eye and has been banned from daycare. Ugh, I’ve become ‘that person’. I procured a babysitter but she’s not going to make it to my place until 11am….i should...
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Some things are just impossible
Even superwoman could not have held an umbrella and pushed the stroller this morning.
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Excerpt from: http://www.city-journal.org/html/9_1_foster_cares.html
A caseworker at a large foster agency confirms Murray’s economic analysis. “For people on public assistance, $500 a month [a typical per-child foster care payment] is a lot of money,” she says. “They’re not using it totally on the kids. If Section 8 pays for housing, and you’re getting public...
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Oh no, here it comes
Words + murder scream = Guantanamo Bay levels of torture.
One of the eight words that she can now spontaneously spit out is “cheese”. When we sit down to breakfast, lunch or dinner all she wants is CHEESE. If I don’t give her cheese it’s “DOW PEEEESE”. She hasn’t touched anything except for cheese in almost 24 hours.
She used to eat almost anything. ...
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making peace with the cute babies
As noted in my ‘about me’ section, I did not go into foster care to get a cute accessory of a child. I wanted the unwanted, ugly, disabled ones. So why do I keep accepting the perfectly adorable little ones?
Aside from space issues in my apartment and only being approved for ages 0-3, my thoughts are that one if not all of these children will end up back in foster care. And one, if...
I wish a non-religious version of Safe Families... →
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“Your ACS daycare voucher was disapproved because the utility bill dated December...”
– My foster care agency regarding my ACS day voucher request submitted DECEMBER 15TH
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“We’re sending the paperwork back because your babysitter needs to sign her...”
– My foster care agency in reference to reimbursement request for daycare. What’s the ‘proper’ way to sign one’s name?
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Words Rock
It’s still WORD ORGY over here at fosterhood. Something clicked in Jacket’s head and she thinks she is THE MOST POWERFUL CELL MASS IN THE UNIVERSE.
And as far as I’m concerned, she is. Today she stood by her booster seat and announced “Dow Peese”. I explained that I thought she wanted ‘up’ and not ‘down’ because she was already standing on...
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I gave her some cheerios to absorb the grease
The babysitter said that bio mom gave Jacket onion rings and M&M’s during the visit. Nice.
Jacket woke up at 2:30am, sang the ABCs, applauded herself, whispered ‘yay!’, and then went back to sleep.
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holding down baby
Today I learned how to hold down a baby during shots. “Her father usually does it?” the nurse asked. When I told her Jacket was my foster care child so got so choked-up she had to ask a different nurse to give the shots.
The second nurse decided that singing the ABCs was the answer to the jab in Jacket’s thighs. All I could think about was how I did not want Jacket to...
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position to create change
Here’s another answer to the “Why question”. As in, you sound fucking miserable Rebecca, why don’t you just pick-up your Ethiopian baby already?
Once I became a professor, I was astonished to realize that students have ALL THE POWER. Most of them don’t realize it, but the one or two that do and then take that power to the dean’s office… they can get the...
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“Hi, this is Rebecca, Jacket’s foster mother. My number is xxx.xxx.xxxx...”
– awkward message from yours truly to the voicemail of Jacket’s law guardian
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Mini Me has been sitting at the table reading her books for almost two hours while I work…
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Spring semester starts tomorrow...
I’ve been living in a bit of dream land with Jacket between semesters. I’m teaching two classes this Spring and it’s going to be H.E.C.T.I.C.
One class I’m able to squeeze in during my normal working hours (2-5pm) but the other one is at night from 5-8pm.
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WHoa, she started calling me "Mommy"
She’s not just calling me mommy, she’s throwing the term around like I owe her two years worth of mommy hard labor. Waving her empty sippy cup in the air it’s “MomMY, MomMY, MomMYYYYY!” If she wants down from the booster seat “MomMYYYYY, MOMMMMYYY”.
At first I ignored the sacred name and just complied with her request. Do I correct her and tell her my...
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Wow, so I guess there are other "difficult" foster... →
Know of any celebrities who put up with the... →
I bet my agency wouldn’t treat the Jolie-Pitts like they do me….
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The foster care diet
While I don’t want to be responsible for starting a fad diet, I should warn you that I lost 9 pounds after 12 days with Jacket and I’m currently -18.
I think it’s the stroller and the stairs combined with forcing myself to eat the healthy shit I’m feeding her. I can’t exactly sit with a bowl of ice cream in front of her…
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“Tell that lady I said she better be doing her job.”
– Jacket’s bio mom (said to my babysitter to pass on to me)
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I heart my home finding case worker
This afternoon I spoke to the home finding case worker who is also the person who taught my MAPP class and he was PISSED that my vacation request was denied. He said he was going to fight it and redistribute a memo from the ACS commissioner requesting that agencies encourage families to take their foster care children on vacation. He went on to complain that he is pressured to recruit, recruit,...
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3rd most bizarre conversation of my life
Me: Hi, my request for vacation was just denied and I was wondering if you could clarify why?
Agency Foster Parent Advocate: When's her court date?
It was today.
And what was decided?
I don't know. Ms. G told me it was "just for attorneys".
It doesn't matter who it was for, was it decided that the child will be going back home?
I don't know.
Well, did you ask?
Yes.
What did she say?
She didn't get back to me.
So why are you calling me?
I was hoping that you could tell me what the vacation policy and procedures are.
The parent has to give consent. Did you get consent from the parent?
No, is that something I'm supposed to do?
Why do you think you can take someone's child on vacation without getting their consent?
I don't. I only know that we were told in MAPP classes that we would definitely be allowed to take the children with us on vacation.
When you miss the visit they can call an Amber Alert on you and you will go to jail.
I don't want to go to jail. That's why I'm seeking permission. I'm only going for 5 days, we won't miss a visit.
Who was your MAPP teacher?
Mr. D
Well I'm going to have words with him then because he can't say that.
Can't say what?
That you can go on vacation without consent from the parents.
I didn't say that he said that.
Yes you did.
Ok (note to self, call the MAPP teacher and warn him of insanity coming his way). ----long silence and 10 deep breathes later---- so in the future, am I supposed to be the person to obtain consent from the birth parents for a vacation I want to take?
Why would you do that? Your case worker should do that.
Ok, good. I left messages and emails but he has never gotten back to me. Now I think he's on vacation for another month?
Well, what do you want me to do?
Maybe you could tell me what my options are?
You have a turtle and I have a turtle, right?
Right.
Well, when I go on vacation and I leave my turtle with someone else, do you think he sits alone on his rock for three days missing me?
Uhm, sure.
And then when he sees all of the other turtles playing on the fourth day, what do you think he does?
Uhmm (why the hell can't i get out of this rhetorical trap?), he.....plays.......with ....the....... other....... turtles?
YES, exactly.
-loooooong silence from me- So, you don't have any concerns with foster parents leaving their kids and going on vacation. Is that the case for any age?
You don't think they'd have fun with the other kids?
My understanding is that the goal is to provide them with as much routine and predictability as possible during what is already a very stressful time.
I don't care about letters after anyone's name. (I guess I sounded too clinical and made her defensive). Is this the battle you want to pick?
I guess not. So from your perspective, the kids who are left back during vacation do fine, it's routine, and I should go and enjoy myself.
That's right Ms. Rebecca.
Ok, you've been really helpful. Thanks so much.
down the Twitter hole
http://twitter.com/fosterhood
A friend convinced me to start tweeting. Alas, it’s a lonely start, are there many of you over there? I’m at “fosterhood” of course!
First tweet: ORIFICE-land over here in fosterhood. about 2 hours ago from web
Second tweet: I’m pretty sure I’m the only NYC foster parent who listens to NPR… half a minute ago from web
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major annoyance with my agency
I sent an email to my case worker today only to get an out-of-office reply stating that he won’t be back to the office until 2/10/10. I wrote to his supervisor asking if this was a typo. I also wrote “I’d like to know the outcome of today’s court hearing (particularly is Jacket is being returned to Mom now) and the status of my vacation request.” The vacation request was put in last...