January 2011
49 posts
Side-swiped again
I’ve logged over 20 calls from Jacket’s Mom during the past 2 days. She has reported several variations of permissions from unknown authorities that she could take Jacket for an unsupervised visit tomorrow, New Year’s Day (you probably know where this is going)…so long as it works for me. I said that any time works for me but I need to hear instructions directly from the...
December 2010
48 posts
2 tags
“Mommy’s juice.”
– Jacket, pointing to my diet coke
WatchIt’s still better than pushing a stroller through the snow like last year’s commute to daycare!
1 tag
1 tag
Transitioning, sort of
During a big meeting a couple of days before Christmas my beloved case worker side-swiped me by announcing to Jacket’s Mom “Merry Christmas I’m going to give you a visit on the 25th”. Then she motioned toward me and said “So long it’s ok with Rebecca”. Thank GOD I didn’t have any real Christmas plans or else I would have looked like such a jerk.
I...
1 tag
1 tag
I made the mistake of telling Jacket that snow is coming. I meant like in three hours but try explaining that to her. I’m hoping to at least peel her away from the window for lunch.
1 tag
1 tag
this blogging thing really helps sometimes
Word got out to Jacket’s enmeshed visitation coach that Jacket and I had a successful visit with her father in prison a few weeks ago and the shit hit the fan. I stayed out of it and have played dumb. The foster agency asked me to go again (reminder- 9 hour day with a 2 year old) as the visit is scheduled on a day that the agency is closed. I said no problem.
You can guess where this is...
1 tag
1 tag
2 Frequently Asked Questions
1. Q. “Are you going to fight Jacket’s return to her mother?”
A. There really isn’t any basis for me to ‘fight’ on. Unless Jacket’s mother’s rights are terminated, I don’t have a leg to stand on. For a good link on the few rights of foster parents, check out NYSCCC’s page here. In foster parent training we are told repeatedly that...
WatchI got Jacket this Sit-and-Spin at a children’s consignment in order to use up my credit there. I didn’t know that my six dollar purchase would cover date night as well.
1 tag
optional gut spilling post
I’m really blown away by everyone’s heart-felt messages and encouragement for me to ‘let it all out’ on the blog. I did finally break down and cry which met my twice a year quota (I think the last time I cried was at the Marriott?). I’ve never been one of those ‘crying-makes-me-feel-better’ people. In fact, it’s the opposite for me. After I cry I...
1 tag
2 tags
“Go shopping and find CANDIES.”
– Jacket
I’m just pouring myself into work. I have three clients who are moms with ACS involvement so I’m trying to direct my energy towards preventative work with them.
When I’m home with Jacket I’m doing my best to simply be present with her and play. If she asks me to make one more fucking snowman out of play-doh however, I might just give her some ‘independent play...
2 tags
Needless to say I’m still really upset. I keep thinking about all of the little things Jacket’s Mom won’t know to do.
For example, Jacket’s speech is still very hard to decipher. “nutter blanky” means she wants exactly three blankets on her back and tucked under her chin at night.
I’d make a chart but her mom is illiterate. I’d try telling her...
A technical question
What does it mean when ACS agrees to settle? How does that affect a reunification timeline?
1 tag
a bit of moping
I just keep thinking the same thing again and again— It’s not that I’m so attached to Jacket that I can’t let her go, it’s her attachment to me that kills.
Don’t get me wrong, I ADORE Jacket and I’d cut off both of my arms to keep her. It’s just that according to her I make the sun rise and set every day. She squeals with so much joy every time I...
1 tag
1 tag
Conversation we had after Jacket peed on both of...
Brian: What's the deal with you giving her glue to play with 3 minutes before we're about to walk out the door?
Me: What?
You're always giving her sticky, messy stuff to play with. She plays with it for 3 minutes and it takes 30 minutes to clean up. You can make funny faces at her for 3 minutes with no clean up time. I mean, her favorite toy is a wet wipe.
OK.
And you spend 20 minutes getting her dressed, and then you let her play in the sink.
What the hell are you talking about?
If you're going to let her do the dishes with you you might as well leave her in her underwear because you have to change her anyway.
Well, I wasn't planning on letting her in the sink with me. It just happened.
Is there a day this week that you haven't given her glue?
Uhmm... Wednesday.
Really, or did you just make that up?
I made it up.
It's like, she loves moisture.
I know.
Everything in this house is moist.
I know.
You give her lotion all the time.
Her skin needs it, that one's legit.
She LOVES lotion.
She sooooooo loves lotion.
It goes everywhere.
Yep. You need lotion by the way. Your skin is really dry. What's up with your lotion phobia?
It stains things.
No it doesn't.
1 tag
1 tag
Planning Christmas
I’m thinking Christmas is going to suck- which means I need to plan for it not to suck.
Last year Jacket and I did the early morning present thing alone and then went to a friends’ house for lunch and play (they have kids). This year I just don’t want to do that… Brian is going home to Florida (remember, we’ve only been dating a few months) and I’m already...
1 tag
I chose foster care
Thanks for everyone’s concern and extremely kind words. People want to know how I’m doing…describing the myriad of feelings isn’t easy but I’ll try.
Day 1- I was devastated. When I came home from court Jacket leaped onto me like a crazy puppy and screamed “Mommy’s home, hug please, hug HUG” a dozen times. Oddly, I didn’t want to be around her and Brian kindly attended to all of her needs for...
1 tag
“Did you tell Jacket that she was going home to her mother and did she look at...”
– our case worker
1 tag
I’m in complete shock. Court was today and everything went differently then I was told… the plan is for Jacket to go home in the middle of January.
1 tag
1 tag
It's 10pm, do you know where your foster kid is?
Mine is dumping out blocks in the pitch black darkness of her room while whispering to herself exorcist style.
As long as she doesn’t come out of her room I’m going to let it go. Although, I wish she’d go to sleep so that I can….
“Mommy’s Pooter! Look, Mommy’s Pooter!!”
– Jacket, pointing out my *computer* to guests over and over and over again
1 tag
2 tags
Snippet from the prison visit
Jacket's Father: So Rebecca, I mean Ms.... what do you want me to call you?
Me: Oh gosh, definitely just call me Rebecca.
Ok, some people like to keep things professional.
There's nothing professional about this. It's totally personal.
(pause) You're right, it IS personal.
Everything about it is personal.
Wow, it's so personal.
1 tag
One year ago today...
…Jacket was dropped off at my apartment around 11:30pm. It feels like yesterday and 10 years ago all at the same time.
It’s crazy to think that if I would have recognized the number on my caller ID I wouldn’t have answered my phone…
WatchFill in the blanks: Jacket stood immobilized in front of this display for ______ minutes and _____ seconds.