December 2011
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This will be huge
For me anyway. New Year’s Day I’ve been planning on having Jacket and her mom over for a Southern tradition of black-eyed peas and collard greens. But I realized that the only reason I didn’t invite other people is because Jacket’s mom has always been in charge and demanding (e.g. “make sure your roommate’s not home”). So, I thought fuck it, I want to...
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“Like, I want it huge. Like the size of a bed. And not a donkey or a stupid...”
– Me, describing what seemed to me at the moment as the best pinata idea ever.
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And the Oscar goes to...
I may or may not have just come back from a date, with a guy who won an Academy Award for set design, in which there might have been some potential- that is until I took over our conversation with 1,000 questions about how to create the BEST. PINATA. EVER. for Jacket’s 4th birthday.
I don’t think he’ll be calling me back.
my birth dad is coming around to the idea of being...
My bio father, who I met when I was 25 years old, loves kids. I’m his only one. He constantly expresses his sadness and feelings of failure over not having an opportunity to raise me (1970s adoption = mom’s choice only).
Recently he retired and at 60 years old he has too much time on his hands. Volunteering at an after school martial arts program is not keeping him busy enough. I...
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WatchSeveral weeks ago a reader, Michelle, who lives here in Brooklyn, asked if she could give Christmas gifts to Jacket’s cousins (the ones I mention here on the blog). She stated that she usually does some sort of Toys-for-Tots program but the Christmas wish lists are typically confusing and she never knows the kids’ sizes or interests.
Last week Michelle showed up with bags and bags of...
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Our 3rd Year of this homemade Christmas Music Mix
1. It’s Christmas Time —Yo La Tengo
2. Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow —Frank Sinatra 3. I Have A Little Dreidel —Barenaked Ladies 4. Sleigh Ride — The Ronettes 5. Merry X-mas Everybody — Slade 6. Christmas In Hollis —Run DMC 7. Country Christmas — Loretta Lynn 8. Frosty the Snowman — Ronettes 9. ...
Got another call yesterday from the foster agency to take a baby. A newborn. I don’t know anything else.
I’m so glad I have the calls go first to voice mail so that I can rally up to say no.
WatchPre-writing skills have we?
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she was all "I see dead people"- sort of
Jacket and I were in bed, silent for about 10 minutes before she whispered “Ah-ba-ka”. I said “Yes, sweetheart” and she responded “I think we’re moving”.
Like a full fucking sentence. “I think we’re moving.” Where she showed the meta-cognition of “thinking” and concern and anxiety. As compared to this. Her mom DID tell...
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Christmas part II
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Update: the problem with zipcar is that it has to be returned to the same place…but I looked it up and the nearest location is still farther away than where they live.
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Jacket’s mom has called and asked me to take her tonight. Yay! I’m going straight from work to pick her up at...
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WatchTranslation please.
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Voicemail message from Jacket’s Mom:
“I took the black doll out of the box and she loves it. She won’t set it down. She loves the doll, you hear? She takes it everywhere.”
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Phyllis
I spend a lot of time thinking about how my childhood compares to Jacket’s. Lots of things are different but a lot are the same. What led me to being successful (defined simply as employed, never incarcerated, no drug dependency, no kids in foster care, etc)?
Today I remembered Phyllis, one of my mom’s friends who visited once or twice a year and died sometime when I was in middle...
upstate with Erika
I’ve been upstate with Erika, formerly of nothankyoubites.tumblr.com. Her decision to take the blog down included a combination of factors- some paranoia of future birth parent stalking in combination of shit hitting the fan. When there’s stuff going on with your kids that’s too awful to blog about, blogging at all can feel pretty disingenuous.
What we’re learning is...
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Oh no she didn't
Jacket had one of her tossing and turning fits in the middle of the other night in an effort to get me to snuggle her to her obsessive liking. After a few minutes of trying my best Jacket SUCKED HER TEETH at me in disappointment.
After the initial shock I couldn’t help but crack-up.
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Also,
Last night I gave Jacket’s mom her first homework assignment. I sent Jacket home with ziplock full of blank cards, stickers and crayons that are to be used to create Thank-you cards for Jacket’s baptism gifts. I don’t even know who gave her what, but I saw cards with money and presents at the ceremony.
Jacket’s mom is pretty stumped as to how a preschooler can write a...
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oh, hell no
I called back right after I posted. I was starting to build a bit of rage thinking about all of the horror films Jacket’s mom has subjected Jacket too and the first time she acknowledges she might be capable of fear it’s about her own skin color?
On the phone Jacket’s mom repeated the complaint and I said “This is your opportunity to teach her that all skin colors are...
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"She's scared of the black doll"
11:00am Voicemail message from Jacket’s mom. “Hey Listen, Jacket went into all of her presents and opened them up and listen, she’s scared of the black cabbage patch doll. She doesn’t like it, she wants a white one. She doesn’t want a black one.”
11:02am Voicemail message from Jacket with her mom prompting her word-for-word in the background “Ah-ba-ka,...
“I can’t believe how much I enjoy the company of a 3 year old.”
– Me to my roommate this morning.
WatchAwwww…
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“I need more soap for my booty. My booty is bigger now.”
– Jacket
10 minutes away
Call- “make sure you bring her wrapped presents back in a bag. Only let her open two, you hear?”
As if she’s not going to call me 100 times more before I bring her home.
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just letting you see a whole day's sample...
4:03pm: missed call. called back. Jacket’s mom asked if I had pull-ups. Yes. Can you send some home. Ok. Something else about dropping the presents off when I picked Jacket up, I ignored that.
4:25pm: “Don’t foget her gifts to bring before you pick her up” (but written worse)
4:33pm: The old me would have typed “I won’t be home from work before I pick...
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Picking up Jacket in 3 hours
Returning her tomorrow at 9pm (Jacket’s mom said she had to be somewhere until then). Jacket’s mom also offered for me to take her next Wednesday night into Thursday.
Taking tomorrow off and declaring it Fosterhood Christmas. What’s the most Christmasy thing we can do besides the tree, Santa at Macy’s and expensive ticketed shows?
**Regarding how harsh Jacket’s...
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3 text messages more and a voicemail from Jacket
“Hi Ah-ba-ka, you can pick me up today and —mumble mumble— home tomorrow. at nine.”
Then a text from mom that I feel would border on insulting her if I transcribed it here, but I think it’s asking me to pick her up today. Going to call her back now.
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7 missed calls and 3 text messages later
“We’re coming by tomorrow night to pick-up the presents, you hear? 7pm. Make sure you’re home. You hear?”
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Fungibility
The night of the godparent ceremony I didn’t even get to sip my first drink before Jacket’s mom started calling me about Christmas gifts. The calls have been completely insane with lists of present demands. Jacket’s mom asked “What are you doing Christmas Eve?… because if you’re cooking, we’ll come over”.
For some reason, this request gave me flashbacks of the meltdown I had in my first...
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Despite my best efforts to be discrete, Jacket’s mom snuck up behind me as I was getting the baptism water from the bathroom faucet.
“THAT’S the Holy Water?”
“Sure, where else would we get it from (albeit my Catholic roommate was keen on stealing some for me from a church)? Water is water. It’ll become Holy when we bless it. Besides there’s a good...
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Script for pre-ceremony counseling session (with...
Jacket’s Mom / Rebecca / Ruben Meeting: It’s so nice to meet everyone and take part in this ceremony. Before we get started, I just want to confirm that you, Jacket’s Mom, are choosing Rebecca and Rubin to be godparents to Jacket. What are your hopes, goals, dreams for Jacket’s future? Ruben and Rebecca: what will you do to help Jacket fulfill her potential and reach those goals? ...
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Baptism and Godparent ceremony script
Ceremony (officiated by Lauren): Welcome family and friends, today we are here to baptize Jacket and name her godparents. Spirituality is something that cannot be chosen for a child. Yet the desire to bless and protect them as they set out on their path is universal. There is something larger than ourselves that makes the wonderful times even better and helps us through difficult times with the...
