Fosterhood in NYC

Jacket’s foster agency case worker told me that Jacket’s case was selected for a type of internal audit in preparation for an ACS audit in which staff will be questioned about their cases. A high ranking person from the agency drilled her on Jacket’s case and was reportedly impressed with how well she knew it and the decisions she has made.

It was nice to hear this given how hard the visitation coach and Jacket’s Mom’s attorney has been on everyone.

I made my third trip to the psychiatric unit to visit Snap’s Mom.  She was covered in a crusty rash that she said was due to the soap they gave her.  The foster agency has brought Snap to visit her twice, one time for his second birthday.  Snap’s Mom said that they cut all of his curls off and he has an adorable crew cut.  It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen him and it’s hard to imagine what he looks like.

She was accepted into another mommy-and-me rehab program and she’ll go next week without Snap, then there will be court and it will be decided if she can bring Snap into the program.  I offered to go to her court hearing as a community support.

She didn’t even pretend to like the curry that I cooked and brought for her.  She did like Snap’s Lifebook.  It was the first time I showed it to her.  She lost everything between the family shelter and the hospital and I wanted her to at least have photos of Snap.  

A while back “topsecretusername” raised what I consider to be the ultimate question- what kind of relationship do I want with Snap’s Mom, without Snap?  For example, what if she loses Snap and he is adopted by someone else?  I’ve given this a ton of thought and I’ve decided that should she have me, I’d like to stay in Snap’s Mom’s life as a community support.

Committing to Snap’s Mom seems like the more valuable way to invest my time in a socially conscious way.  So far, years spent volunteering in orphanages abroad, working in soup kitchens, taking the disabled on outings have all felt a bit superficial.  Getting involved with Snap’s Mom seems more authentic in it’s messiness and unpredictability.  I could just be another well-intentioned but misguided do-gooder though.

How much longer do I have Jacket?  My newest guess is until May although transition could happen as quickly as within a month.  Our third permanency hearing will happen then (it’s ok if you don’t know what that means) and without giving much away, I don’t see a reason why Jacket won’t be reunited with her mom by then…

Jacket’s preferred playtime activity for over a year continues to be putting her dolls to sleep.  She lines up blankets, paper towels, wash clothes, the mail, anything she can get her hands on— and then lays her babies face down covering them with similar items.

Again and again and again and again.  I’m not easily concerned but the repetition has started to seem excessive.  I mentioned this to my clinical supervisor at work the other day and she suggested that it was soothing and relaxing for Jacket.  I never considered this but it makes sense.  Thoughts?

I love this guy’s idea of forming a ‘counsel of dads’.  I whipped up a similar idea for foster kids while at a party a few years ago.  I was talking to an architect who wanted to help foster kids without foster parenting.  I suggested the creation of some sort of non-profit where foster kids could have a lifelong “board of trustees” who would contribute their specialty. Sort of like an amped up Big Brothers.

For example, there could be the financial guidance person, the tutor, the ‘fun buddy’, the old wise grandma type, the yearly birthday cake baker….the possibilities are endless.  

debbiestier:

Favorite piece of advice was David Black’s, btw. 

Purchasing book now……..

Somebody sucked the salt off all of my cashews.

I couldn’t resist posting a link to this article at the Huffington Post.  A few of you might find it a bit apropos.  I did. 

“If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you. You think about your thighs, your outfits, your naso-labial folds. You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training. Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself. She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids. This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt. The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello! It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her. Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one. Your husband will be along shortly. Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.”