March 2012
71 posts
3 tags
laying down the law (well, sort of- much more than...
Jacket's mom's text (spelling/grammar corrected): I'm sorry, she has to come with me for Saturday morning, you can have her next Friday, okay?
My text: Does that mean she will miss preschool on Friday and swim class on Saturday? I had to pay for both and they were expensive (I should have laid out the costs for her already but didn't get a chance).
You can tell them that she will be there next Friday and Saturday, I'm sure they will say okay.
Yes, but I won't be refunded. Are there any other days that she will miss? Where does she have to be that is more important than her education? (a bit on the dramatic side I know, just trying get stress the point)
No, don't ask for a refund, just tell them she will be there next Friday and Saturday. She's going to her in-law's home.
The school won't let us do that. I had to make a commitment. Jacket can't come and go as she pleases to classes.
They live far away from here (it's about a 2 hour subway ride).
Did you tell them [her family] that Jacket only goes to school one day a week?
Yes, the schools are like that (she means pay-as-you-go). I asked myself when you paid and they told me that she can come and go as she pleases.
Who did you speak to at the school (I'm 99% sure she didn't call. She didn't even take the pamphlet home that I gave her with all of the school info on it). I signed a contract (but actually, as always- I'm aware of the risk and willing to cut my losses. I'm just trying to make a point to Jacket's mom). I will give you a copy of the contract next time I see you. I paid $XXX a month whether she attends or not.
Not that school, another one that she goes to because I pay them only Monday to Wednesday. She goes and I pay.
This isn't a daycare, it's a preschool. And swim lessons are only for 8 weeks. I paid for 8 weeks but now she will only get 7 (In the future, I want to bring myself to require her to pay a portion, even if it's just $1- she needs to be making a commitment as well).
Okay, but she will be going with you to daycare. She wanted to see her in-laws.
I really want you to think about Jacket's future and the importance of her education. I can help, but you have to do your part as well. In the future, Fridays and Saturday mornings need to be a priority. These are the days you chose. Appointments and family visits need to be scheduled on other days.
Yes, I know, she goes to school for 3 days where I live (She's fibbing- she probably feels backed into a corner). She loves school and she asks all the time so I had to put her in.
--I wait a few minutes to slow down our conversation--
Okay, I am sorry. You're right.
Thanks. Really think about it. The better the school the more strict it is (not necessarily, but Jacket's mom is such a concrete thinker, I'm trying to stretch her thoughts the other direction). Jacket could really be a judge or a lawyer (some dreams Jacket's mom has come up with for Jacket's future) or anything she wants one day but it will require that she stay ahead in her education. And when she's ahead, her self-esteem will be high and she will do amazing things.
You're right, but she's in school (I know she's not because she doesn't have the right medical forms. I've tried to give my copies to her but she doesn't understand and refuses).
February 2012
64 posts
WatchThis past weekend. I gave up on having Jacket keep the glitter glue cap on.
1 tag
Yet another unsolicited non-profit idea →
It would be awesome if someone could simply provide the transportation (and labor) to move all of this awesome free stuff from craigslist to foster or former foster kids’ homes…
and then if someone’s willing to go all the way to Westchester, I bet this batmobile bed would rock some kid’s world.
4 tags
kindergarten is only 18 months away
I’m going back through all of your comments from my previous post on private schools for Jacket while trying to be leisurely about exploring her educational options. But of course, that’s a joke. I don’t function in a casual or laid back mode. Just obsessive, ultra obsessive and sleeping.
Tonight I’ve become familiar with the required acronyms such as the ERB/ECAA...
2 tags
Small study that suggests blogging is good for new... →
2 tags
On a positive note
I have a hunch that Jacket IS in play therapy based on all of the cute “Oy Vey’s” she was exclaiming this week. Unless Nickelodeon has a new Jewish cartoon I’m not aware of.
2 tags
blog as my outlet
Hopefully, this blog has sounded more positive in the past year. Nonetheless, I have moments when I want to scream JACKET’S FAMILY IS PSYCHO. Then I feel guilty. Then I feel self-righteous (e.g. how many other people are willing to invest their personal lives in this way). Then I feel hopeless. Then I feel alone and crazy for doing this. Then I feel angry and an itch to blog (for...
Little boy on the bus is playing “I spy” that he picked up from Jacket last week.
WatchBack to the rigging.
2 tags
word of the day: privacy
Jacket: Rebecca, what are you doing?
Me: Going to the bathroom.
I want to see.
No.
Is it ca-ca or pee-pee?
That's private.
What is private?
It means I'm not going to tell you.
Ca-ca coming out of your booty is private?
Yes. I think today should be that special day in your life when you learn about privacy. Private means that some things are only for yourself. Please shut the door. I'll be out in a minute.
Privacy?
Yes, going to the bathroom is private, for the love of god.
3 tags
Jacket: Rebecca.
Me: Yes.
Where's my backpack?
On your back.
I don't see it.
That's because it's behind you.
(turns around) Where?
On your back. It's a back- pack.
What?
HERE (tugged on it).
Oh, ok.
Jacket just started her first day of Russian preschool. Her teaching assistant appears Latina!
4 tags
All learning is good learning?
Someone commented along the lines of-
“Is learning Russian a good idea when what Jacket really needs is better English skills? How useful is Russian and will the language skills be sustained past preschool?”
I know I sound ditzy most of the time on this blog, and I’m insecure about a lot of my decisions in regards to Jacket’s life, but being a cognitive psychologist and...
4 tags
“Do you like Russians?”
– The first line of my text to Jacket’s mom.
4 tags
How awesome will it be if Jacket from the 'hood...
Holy shit does this Russian preschool mean business. It’s excellent (according to my co-workers) but sort of scary! My immediate thought was, well, Jacket’s mom wants white people- she’s going to get them. Why didn’t I think of this before?
I asked (notice the word asked) Jacket’s new teacher if I could pick her up at 3pm tomorrow and the response was “We do...
3 tags
Not about a baby
The call from my foster agency homefinding worker was not about a baby, just paper work.
In other news, it looks as though I may have gotten Jacket into another daycare. This one is down the street from the facility I work at on Thursdays and Fridays (it’s the opposite side of Brooklyn from the other daycare and where I’m at Mondays-Wednesdays and the daycare next door). Actually,...
1 tag
Someone needs to pick these up for a foster kid... →
Yes, I totally admit my addiction to the free section of craigslist. I can’t help it.
1 tag
Voicemail from foster agency homefinding
I called back but the worker is probably gone for the day. Could be a baby, could be something about my re-certification paperwork (due next month). I have no idea. I won’t let my mind start spinning.
Just officially signed Jacket back up for swim classes at the YMCA. Her mom declined the tour, but I think that after I text her pictures the first few weeks she will want to come and watch Jacket in all her glory.
Classes start the weekend after next. So excited!
2 tags
I’ve gotten dozens of calls and text messages from Jacket’s mom asking when I can pick up Jacket again. We agreed on this weekend.
The Press Wants You
There are several seemly lovely people of the press looking for young, single women who are fostering in NYC. I’ve done a crap job of keeping up with everyone, so if you’re out there, give me a shout.
In particular,
a HuffPo journalist would like to interview you
two published Columbia grad students want to follow you around (usually the CU students also plan to track down your...
3 tags
like a racoon's eyes staring me down after dusk
I saw my birth mother yesterday and she used the N-word over a dozen times. Even worse, I stayed silent. In the Social Psychology course that I teach I actually give a lecture (and group activity) on responding to racist statements- but all of that went out the window in the moment.
What if I had Jacket with me? I don’t know if I ever want to expose Jacket to my birth mom now. My birth...
Thanks for the mental_floss shout out!
2 tags
Everything's fine
I don’t blame Jacket’s mom. Neither one of us were prepared for Jacket’s freak-out when I went to pick her up. She always runs into my arms. We didn’t have a plan for otherwise. If Jacket’s mom needs to categorize things concretely, I’d rather “I can’t force her” stay the theme than any alternative.
Sure, it probably didn’t help that...
Why did I believe that Jacket’s mom would be awake, or able to be woken at 4 in the morning?
They don’t have a buzzer so I wouldn’t be able to get in the building to knock on the door. Since Jacket’s mom isn’t answering the phone, there’s no point in getting in a car service.
Should I be snatching a former foster child out of her bed in the middle of the night??
It sounds like something Jacket will be talking about in therapy for the rest of her life. This trip isn’t that important in the big picture of things.
5 text messages from Jacket's mom
All telling me to come and get her in the morning. First at 3:30am (yikes), then 4am (ok, sure) and more messages telling me not to forget. I was going to swing by at 5am, but 4 it is.
This means I will have Jacket’s car seat and e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. with me- urhg, ugh, ugh.
Sooooo I didn't get her
Jacket started crying and saying that she didn’t want to go. Her mom said “I can’t force her, she doesn’t want to go.”. What can I say to that?
I suggested that she just spend the night and then see how she feels before our flight in the morning. Jacket clung to her mom - mom was loving it. Totally understandable.
I wanted to just grab her- she would be fine in...
2 tags
On my way to pick up Jacket
Jacket’s mom asked me to bring a change of clothes to put her in before I take her- what is that about? Never mind, it doesn’t matter. I suggested PJs and her mom agreed.
Jacket’s mom also wants 1.) Mickey Mouse picture frame 2.) Mickey Mouse towel 3.) Florida shirt
3 tags
I should be sleeping but...
I’m toying with the idea of hiring a couple of puppeteers to put on a show for Jacket’s 4th birthday. She loves puppets right now (and that may not last forever)…
the the kids could make their own puppets and put on a show as well. Could be adorable.
Someone take my app idea (or does it exist?)
Please create a parenting app that repeats common phrases we all say to kids. “Put your shoes on. Put your shoes on. Stop. Put down that toy. Go put your shoes on. What are you doing!? GO. PUT. YOUR. SHOES. ON.” You know those alarm clocks that start off with soft music and then get louder and louder until you finally reach over and hit snooze? Like that.
Once the kid finally...
WatchPublic Service Announcement: Save the Halloween pumpkin carving knife. It’s enabled Jacket to truly cut up vegetables and cook with me.
WatchJacket is all about tracing these days.
2 tags
Safety Lessons for Jacket?
I’m trying to think of all of the important things to teach Jacket right now. It’s tempting to push reading and writing but I know that will come with time. The other day I taught her how to say her mom’s full name and address. I also made-up a song on the spot to go with my phone number which she liked so much I can just imagine her singing it everywhere- the bus, social...
