March 2012
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you guys have the best ideas
Me (text): If you want, we can boil our eggs together on Skype tomorrow night.
Jacket's Mom (text): Ok. How many boxes (I told her a dozen was 12 which is usually 1 box)?
Me: 1 or 2 is good.
Jacket's Mom. Ok, 2.
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feeling even more like a jerk
Me (text): If it’s possible for you to boil a couple dozen eggs ahead of time that would help but if not that’s ok (being even softer now knowing she’s got 5 kids to take care of in the house).
Jacket’s Mom (text): Boil it for this Sunday them and we will color them.
Me (text): Ok, sounds great (realizing she seriously may not know how to boil eggs).
...
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Dying Eggs
I received a classic text from Jacket’s mom:
“When i do eggs i meat you you house”.
I replied that they were welcome to come, how about Sunday?
It sounds as though Jacket’s mom has the little girl cousins full time now so I’ll have a full, full apartment. I’m glad that it’s worked out though. I’m going to give the girls a lot of little jobs to...
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Rachel (friend): What's the theme of Jacket's birthday party?
Me: Chaos.
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Not my proudest moments
(*If I knew how to turn comments off, I would. So I ask, no comments please for this post. I’d rather not be cheered or chastised)
In the spirit of trying to be honest about my post-reunification experience and attempts- I feel somewhat obligated to confess that I’ve been getting pretty sassy with Jacket’s mom.
It’s been almost all via text message- which makes the...
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Such a thing as too much Dr. Suess?
Whenever Jacket allows me to read a book that is not by Dr. Suess, she gives me a dirty look on cue at the end of the second sentence. Her eyebrows furrow like none other and her message is clear
“It’s supposed to rhyme, Rebecca. Did you forget how to read or something?”
Eventually, she takes the book from me and begins to ‘read’ it herself. Half words, half...
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Alphabet sign language
Jacket and I spend several hours a weekend on the subway and I’m always trying to think of things for me to teach her or talk about. If she had her way, we would play “I Spy” ad nauseum.
In flipping through my childhood memories, I recently recalled learning the alphabet in sign language. I really enjoyed it and now Jacket LOVES it. Her fine motor skills are fantastic and...
“Sometimes I really worry about you. I know it’s your life but I hate to...”
– Brian
“Remember when I would go to bed and you would read me a story?”
– Jacket
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the politics of Jacket's birthday presents
To recap, two parties. One with Jacket’s family, one with my friends. I’m currently working on and planning the birthday party with Jacket’s family that will be combined with an Easter egg hunt. In attendance will be Jacket’s three little girl cousins, the detective’s daughter and Harriet. Who knows how many adults will be included.
What do I do about...
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Hand washing from last summer, done.
Do you happen to live in Murray Hill?
There are all of these free toys listed on craigslist-
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/zip/2916586828.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/zip/2916568442.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/zip/2916562911.html
I’d love for someone to grab them tonight and I’ll come to you at your convenience this weekend!
Canceling preschool
It kills me, but I’m canceling Friday Russian preschool. Or better put, I’m not going to fight with Jacket’s mom about it anymore.
Again this week Jacket’s mom started making excuses for Jacket to not attend. When she gets pushed too hard she starts making up crazy stories about moving out of the country next month while also having paid $750 for a Brooklyn daycare. ...
Jacket’s the only one trying to potty train her 4 and a 1/2 year old cousin. Do some parents just wait until school and then let the teacher do it? I don’t remember anyone in my kindergarten class wearing diapers.
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"Kitty cat head and a robot body"
Uhm, so Jacket’s birthday cake request went from simply “pink sparkles” to “a cake with a kitty cat head and a robot body- with pink sparkles”. Holy shit. I don’t know how I’m going to pull that off.
Major headway was made when Jacket’s mom and I agreed to have a combination Easter Egg Hunt and birthday party at the college. It’ll be the...
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short end of the stick
Jacket: I'm going to be Cinderella for Halloween.
Me: Oohh, you'll make a fantastic Cinderella.
And Mommy's going to be Dora.
That'll be cool.
Uh huh.
What should I be?
A house.
WatchYep, that’s pretty much how it’s done.
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the cousins are coming over today
When I dropped Jacket off Friday night her mom immediately put her phone up to my ear “Say, hi!” “Hi?” Turns out it was 19 year-old the brother/boyfriend. Not knowing what to say at all, I stupidly blurted out “Are you staying out of trouble?” to which I got a typical teen boy monosyllable reply. I guess that question is still appropriate for a prisoner? It...
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This NYTimes article about class issues in public... →
“Girl, WHAT are you doing? THAT’S not my father, THIS is my father. The...”
– The detective, after finding me at the hospital holding the hand (for close to an hour) of the wrong patient. (Both of her elderly parents are very sick and in separate hospitals so I offered to help out)
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Universal Pre-K Names
Has anyone ever looked at the list of Universal Pre-K program names in Brooklyn? How is “Ring Around The Rosie” the name of a school? “Happyland”, maybe. “Kids ECT”- uhm, please fill me in on the etcetera part. Is it okay to send a boy to “Cinderella Day Care”? And to be honest, my first thought when reading “Little Sun People” was...
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Seriously?
Now, before you start, yes- I did take a full day’s rest in the sun yesterday. I stayed off the internet and only read magazines and listened to RadioLab. And, yes- I do get out. I had drinks with friends last night and will again tonight. And unlike you folks who check my blog every 10 seconds (kidding, totally kidding), I do have other things going on in my life. It’s just, if I...
3 tags
just. in. time.
Jacket’s birthday. It’s in the next month. And when the shit hits the fan, I plan parties (kind of like how social workers all bake ;) ). Now that pinterest exists, party planning is downright meditative. I’m all, ooooOOoowa- rainbow crepe paper tents, aahhh- pinatas, MmmHmm- Van Gogh looking cakes (scroll down), and then I melt into nirvana.
A few months ago I received a...
bleeeh- can't sleep
New rule: Jacket’s mom cannot be the primary person I have human interaction during the course of one week.
I’m going to call out of work tomorrow, turn my phone off, lay in the sun and read magazines.
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There's no way I'm going to watch "Nursery...
Just in case you’re new, here’s all of the previously hashed issues over where Jacket should go to school (assuming that I even have any influence in the end). Public vs. Private (“rich”) schools, Gifted & Talented programs vs. Charter Schools, there’s another but I’m not finding it now.
The only option I’m set on ruling out is the public school in...
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I hear you all in that my communication with Jacket’s mom is judgmental and will ultimately be ineffective. I was trying to take a page out of the detective’s book by being a hardass. In a twisted way, I thought it might empower Jacket’s mom to say to one of her boyfriend’s in jail “Look, Jacket’s godmother says that she HAS to go to school. I can’t...
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...and the truth came out. It's about a prison...
Jacket’s mom immediately texted: “She can go to school and then she has to come home.”
I responded: “I’m really proud of you. I think that’s a good compromise. I could even pick her up early Friday morning if you don’t want her spending the night with me on Thursday.”
Jacket’s mom: “She is fine [meaning Jacket’s behavior]. ...
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Fosterhood fantasy #372
That a clinician from the Ackerman Institute would come to work with Jacket’s family and me during our Sunday lunches at my place.
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Less and less pussy-footing
I know that I still have a loooooooooong way to go on learning how to communicate with Jacket’s mom and I’ve heard and am trying to put your advice to use. Here’s how I responded:
“I’m sorry you’re having trouble with Jacket’s behavior but denying her an education should never be a punishment. Maybe take away cartoons? Let’s talk tomorrow about...
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Why is this such a struggle?
Just received a text message from Jacket’s mom:
“This week Jacket can’t go anywhere. She’s not being good at all.”
How the hell do I respond to that? All I can come up with is “call me” although what I really want to text is “We need to talk about your commitment to Jacket’s education and future”.
Rebecca Will Piss Your Money Away Fund
People frequently offer to send me money or suggest that I raise funds, or have sponsored posts to support my expenses when it comes to Jacket. I’ve always said No, no, no because the integrity of the blog is incredibly important to me. I’m already skating on thin ice by blogging about foster kids- I never want to compromise that.
I have to admit though, accepting “Internet...
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Brooklyn barf bucket
Me: If you feel like you're going to get sick again, try really hard to throw-up in this bowl.
Jacket: You mean if my cough comes out again?
Yeah, that's called throwing-up, or vomiting.
I'm done, Rebecca.
You said that 3 sets of sheets and 8 towels ago. Just try to use the bowl since you haven't been making it to the bathroom.
That bowl is for eggs.
Yes, we've cracked eggs in this bowl before, but today it's for your puke.
What?
Puke. It's the same thing as throwing-up or as you say your 'cough coming out'.
Oh. But that bowl is for EGGS, Rebecca.
This is New York City. No one has room to store a bucket exclusively for vomit. Yesterday's egg bowl is today's barf bucket. It's all good.
What's bart?
Barf. Bar-ffff. It's the same as throwing up, vomiting, puking oh good grief, never mind. Just USE THE BOWL, please.
Fosterhood = that moment when you tell the new guy you’re dating that you have a secret blog which chronicles your tendency to hoard and then venerate other people’s children.
Biting the Bullet
I think I’m going to bite the bullet and go to my first ever foster parent conference. Sarah, the executive director, was an early supporter of my blog and it meant the world to me. NYSCCC is really growing and they remain the only group I’m comfortable associating with.
Also, my fellow Tampa Bay native, Ashley, is speaking. We haven’t met but when she read on my blog that I...
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“I want beans and rice!! What are you waiting for?”
– Jacket, seconds after vomiting. I forgot about this less glamorous side of parenting…
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Unexpected ipad outcome
I think Jacket may be staying at my house more because Jacket’s mom feels secure having the ability to visually check-in on her via the ipad.
Recently, I’ve just started leaving Skype on and the computer on the dining table. Jacket’s mom can watch us for hours if she wants. I think it makes her feel better knowing that Jacket is where I said she would be.
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Just learned about "Standby Guardianship"
I just stumbled upon Standby Guardianship which would essentially makes my godmother status legal. God forbid something happened to Jacket’s mom, she could appointment me as guardian (not sure where else she’d go anyway).
Interesting Chart
Maybe being Jacket’s “Standby Guardian” will give me a little more involvement in Jacket’s education? I can imagine a...
