Positive stuff about Jacket's mom

23rd November 2011

33 notes

Positive stuff about Jacket’s mom

I want to be careful that the blog is not constantly down on Jacket’s mom, but I also appreciate that this is a place I can write and process honestly about the day-to-day struggles of making our relationship work. I have been so fortunate to have a smart, logical and compassionate reader base who comments in a balanced way. If everyone was jumping on the birth mom bashing wagon, this blog would tank- fast. Same if everyone became really defensive on behalf of Jacket’s mom. I’m really grateful that you all see the complexity.

Jacket’s mom’s strengths:

1. She DOES learn. After 6 months with the visitation coach, nagging by her sisters and my efforts to model, Jacket’s mom greets Jacket in a happy and appropriate way (as opposed to just grabbing her arm and ignoring her). Jacket in return responds with excitement and open arms and now a fantastic pattern of hugs and smiles is established.

2. She has the ability to form and maintain an attachment. I doubted this at first given her tendency toward explosive rants. However, as much as I disagreed with the visitation coach, she made evident that Jacket’s mom was capable of forming a long-term bond with her. Subsequently, I have tried the same and the detective maintains a connection with her.

3. She is easily but equally influenced by both the good and the bad. When Jacket’s mom is outnumbered by my friends her behavior completely changes (well, after 20 minutes of an aggressive show). Take the emphasis on Jacket’s education for example- she’s demonstrating an interest now as opposed to just a few months ago when she was eager to exercise her right delay enrolling her in school until she’s 6 years old.

4. She is giving. She wears the same old clothes but I know that she passes her money out to other people. Jacket was in new boots this week.

5. She wants to learn about computers. I’ve given her lists of local classes, and I don’t think she has attended, but I count that separate from the positive notion that she has something that sparks her interest.

Tagged: jacket post-reunification

Fosterhood in NYC

Positive stuff about Jacket’s mom