I’ve always heard and read that visits with the birth mother are stressful but I assumed this was because the foster parents were faced with the reality check of reunification of the children and birth mother as the goal.  *I* on the other hand support reunification so I imagined visits being giddy picnics full of hugs, reading books about pigeons, string cheese, and camp songs.  I never considered the inevitability of getting sucked into extremely dysfunctional family dynamics.

Last night, Eaglet’s grandmother arrived at the agency for the visit, but not her mom.  Grandma can’t handle all three kids on her own so the other foster family and I stayed as grandma repeatedly left hateful messages on her daughter’s voicemail.  Eventually, Mom showed-up an hour into her two-hour visit.  Immediately it was “hand me the bottle”, “get the diapers out of the bag” to which I pathetically jumped at her every demand.  Finally, I dried out my wet-toast of a brain and decided to get out of dodge, pronto.  Century 21 has no idea how therapeutic is it.

Mom’s complaints this time:

1. no stroller- which it finally came out that she wants the stroller because she doesn’t want to have to hold her baby (god forbid)

2. cheap wipes- yes, she called my wipes cheap.  there’s a sore on the side of my tongue right now from biting it so hard.

3. prescription diaper cream- she doesn’t want me using it

Most disturbing moment:

Grandma said to birth mom in front of 9 year-old daughter “You need to tell your daughter to shut her damn mouth (repeat 3 times).  She’s telling everyone your business and about the things you do and where you go.”

Wait, this isn’t even the disturbing part, this is:

Foster father of 9 year-old daughter “Yeah, I don’t want to hear that stuff.  She needs to learn to shut her mouth.  I don’t want to hear about the things she’s seen and done.  She needs to learn to talk about other things.  I don’t want to hear about all that”.

This morning I sent ACS a short email suggesting that she, the older sister, be referred to counseling.