Making it hip to be a young foster parent in New York City. Because now that you think about it, you know you wanna.



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19th January 2012

31 notes

The baby was already placed

To be honest, I breathed a big sigh of relief.  It’s definitely what I want, but it’s soooo scary.  Figuring out daycare, finances, my mental health under the conditions of sleep deprivation and infant screams.  And of course, the pressure to continue dating.

Foster care was such a good experience to show me that I CAN do it.  The beginning will be the most difficult, especially not having 9 months to plan.  This time I think I’m going to take maternity leave (Federal Medical Leave Act - FMLA- actually stipulates that a leave can be taken for foster children and of course adoption)- but the routine of going to work has always been key to my sanity.  Yet not sleeping at night and trying to go to work makes me delirious.

Then there’s the whole wrench in my dating life.  But what if I’m 40 and I still haven’t found someone?  I would then totally regret passing up this opportunity to adopt.  I don’t want to wait a few more years because then I will feel as if my back is up against the wall and more years will be wasted, and thousands of dollars that I don’t have will be spent in desperation to adopt.  I want to be a young(er) mom. 

My plan- I have two very close friends who are on maternity leave and they are both open to me coming over to their house with the baby and freaking out all day.  I will force myself out of the house and over to their home every single day if I need to in order to keep my sanity.  They understand the mind fuck of a baby that requires feedings every two hours.  And in remembering Snap and Eaglet, I understand their struggles as well.

Any advice on how to handle those first few months without losing my mind?

Tagged: adoption

  1. hormonalinducedbanter said: help, having a baby is like a car crash, you’re ahead of the game because you dint have to birth the baby, so you should be much better off, try to get a set time at least one day a week where you can have you time, sleep eat do nothing it helps GL!
  2. marleypants said: I have a 7 month old. The first few days/weeks home were definitely an adjustment. Routine was key. Eat Activity Sleep. over & over. Once her schedule was in place, i was free to start planning my schedule around that.
  3. thekidhasarrived said: New mom group in Ft Greene Park during the summer or meets various places in winter. Join the ‘hood baby listserv on yahoo. Met tons of awesome new parents in the hood this way, hung out during the day at their apts, totally saved my sanity! Very fun
  4. the1nonlyturbo said: Find something that the baby gets interested in like sounds of a guitar or just your voice. From day one i have been singing to my daughter and playing guitar for her.
  5. 122782 said: Are you worried it will be harder to find someone to date with a child? Someone worth dating wouldn’t view this as a “wrench”.
  6. mommyakajenna said: My baby feeds every 2 hours. She doesn’t cry all the time like the poor babies who are coming off drugs, but you can do it, you already have. It is extremely difficult, but there’s strength inside every mother that they never knew was there.
  7. twodoxiesandtoomanyshoes said: What you’re doing is amazing. You are amazing. Dating will come.
  8. katunedited said: Honestly, just step back and try to see the bigger picture. They won’t be babies forever and there is an end to it. Babies need their parents, and that’s who you’d be. It’s hard, no doubt about it, but going into it with an expectation of it being hard is half the battle, I…
  9. shil0h said: Don’t worry about the dating thing- In all honesty, I think it will help weed out the guys you DON’T want to end up dating, anyway. You’ll find a balance. Everything just takes time and adjustment. You’ve done it before, you can certainly do it again
  10. mamabearto2boys said: One day at a time. Every mother struggles in the beginning just trying to figure out a routine. Leaving the house, even for a walk, helped me survive the 1st crazy months. No one thinks they can survive yet we all do. :-)
  11. anniehinton said: Is it possible to defer the adoption for a few months and truly prepare in that time? You won’t know boy/girl or age but it’ll give you time to be at peace with it. Not talking years, just a few months.
  12. alinasmith said: Forget about dating. Not in a bad, oh I’ll never date again way, but in a this is time for me and this child way. my daughter is almost 15 months old and I’ve let myself off the hook for dating until I feel like it. This time is about me and her.
  13. fosterhood posted this
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