Declining this baby was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done

I was on the phone with my foster care agency’s home finding director for over an hour last night.  More of this baby’s story is as follows,

Mom has a good, pushy lawyer, ACS has a “spineless” lawyer and the child’s law guardian is “useless”.  As a result the foster care agency is being bullied into moving the child to a different foster home.  Mom’s accusing the current, Latino foster mother of causing the child’s craddle cap by not holding the child enough.

Two issues for me.

1. Mom’s accusations are part of the symptoms of her mental disorder.  She will eventually have the same problems with me.   Rewarding the mom with a “white woman who doesn’t have any other kids in the home” is disastrous.

2.  The child is white.  There, I said it.  I don’t want a white child.  Growing up as the only adopted child of an infertile mother, I begged my parents to adopt a brother or sister for me for years and years and years.  I must have heard a thousand times how difficult it was to adopt a “SECOND white, healthy newborn”.  My mother would have no problem saying to company in front of me “the only babies that are out there are black” and the response to my parents was always “Wow, you were so lucky to get Rebecca!”.  The take-home message was that I was a fucking rock star because I had blue eyes and blond hair. 

Fortunately, I attended a fantastically diverse public school system where my elementary school teachers, who happened to all be black (except 5th grade), were my idols.  When I was twelve, my parents got their second “white, healthy newborn”.  My brother is awesome nonetheless, and my parents paid up the ass for him.

This all said, if a white child needs a home, I want to provide it.  But adoption culture hasn’t changed that much in 20 years and the wait lists for white babies are still long and stomach-turning.  Until that changes, I’d really like for my emotional, educational, social and financial resources to go towards a non-white child.

(Regarding my use of “black” instead of “African-American”- in a nutshell, African-American doesn’t translate, or even make sense internationally.  I know some people who are black who are actually insulted by the term.  I always ask people directly how they categorize their ethnicity and then use their terminology.    I’m on my own here so seeing as our President identifies himself as “black” and we have “Black History Month”, I’m going with that for now.)

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