Snap’s Christening on Sunday, where do I begin?

It was at the ginormous Cathedral of Saint John the Divine and we weren’t allowed, understandably, to take photos during the ceremony.  There were several other babies who partook in the “bulk baptism” which made the service close to two-hours long.  Needless to say, Snap’s mom didn’t make it all the way through.  Screaming, squirming kids in an acoustically sensitive hall that could (literally) house the Statue of Liberty upright was worse than anyone’s baby-on-a-plane-to-Tahiti story.  At least on a flight the kids can eat crackers.

Snap was particularly hard to keep track of because his get-up was made of SILK making him as slick as a greased pig.  Despite all of the fuss over his appearance, his mom still attached his moldy, stinky pacifier string.  People two rows up kept looking back with their noses scrunched up due to the stench.  Of course, they may have also just been gawking at us because we were a crack-pack freak show.  It was an exceptionally posh crowd and we were, well- we were a mess.  Snap’s mom still looks and acts like a crack-head.  Uniquely dressed in all white, she had two dodgy-looking friends and two of those giant chinatown bags hipster use for moving that unnecessarily made her look homeless.  Then there was me with my two friends (thanks Rachel and Jason!) and folks were dying to figure us out.

Not sure if I mentioned last week that in one of her dash-n-dial calls, Snap’s mom apologized because she had a big fight with her mom over me being the godmother and as a result, she would be leaving the position open.  It stung a little bit, especially seeing as she had been calling me his godmother for the past 6 months, but once I saw what I’d have to say in church, I was significantly relieved:

Priest: “Do you renounce Satan and all the spiritual forces of wickedness that rebel against God?” Godparents: “I renounce them”.

Skip to "Do you turn to Jesus Christ and accept him as your Savior?"  "I do".  "Will you be responsible for seeing that the child you present will be brought up in the Christian faith and life?"  "I will with God’s help".

My first thought is, I’m glad I didn’t convert to Judaism for my ex-boyfriend last year.  Second reaction wasn’t so much a thought and more like anxious convulsions.  Not sure if I ever mentioned that I went to Bible College AND seminary?  And perhaps by the tone of this blog, it’s evident that I’m not very religious now…

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