Going to see Snap on Saturday

I promised myself that I would call Snap’s foster mom before reaching out to Jacket’s mom again. I’ve been carrying around a lot of guilt for not following up with him. His foster mom would really like for me to be in his life. So much so that she says in her thick Spanish accent

“He remembers you, he luuuuvs you, he always says where is my Rrrebecca?”

Cue weird, deadbeat dad guilt. Funny how it creates the opposite of the desired effect. The more pressure I put on myself the harder it was for me to call. I don’t dare say that I can relate to the complicated mixed feelings that birth parents might have when it comes to visiting their kids in foster care, but it has made me more sympathetic. Why pop up in his life when I may ‘disappear’ again for 6 months? And honestly, there’s no way he can remember or miss me because he was so young. But, it’s nice that they are keeping me in the narrative. Anyway, I was invited over on Saturday so I’m going to go and drop off some Halloween treats.

More importantly, why the fuck isn’t he adopted yet!? His foster mom said it has something to do with another new case worker and paper work still not getting done. While I’m preaching to the choir about permanency (jargon for getting a kid out of the system one way or the other), here’s another reason…Snap’s now learned his ‘real’ last name which means he’ll be googling his upsetting maf*a connection far before he’ll be ready to process it.