I really don’t cry much. I’ve gone years without crying. But here I am again sitting outside of Snap’s permanency hearing on a curb crying. The hearing started with the law guardian asking the judge to not allow me in the court room. “She keeps showing up, She’s the former foster parent. I don’t know what she’s doing here.”  I responded “I’m only here to make sure you, the attorney for Snap, get his lifebook” and the judge stated that I was welcome because she has an open court.

I was blown away.

I feel completely humiliated. I really need a tissue.

I held it together until the hearing was over. While leaving I teared-up and was trying to get out of the building as quickly as possible. The law guardian approached me and I offered her the book saying that I wouldn’t attend anymore if she doesn’t want me to. I defensively added “I’m an adoptee and I would want my baby pictures if I didn’t have them.” The desired effect worked because it was clear that she immediately felt like shit. The law guardian took the Lifebook, said it was beautiful and promised that Snap would get it. I’m still bawling my eyes out though and I don’t know why.

Update:  Here’s a link to my last court experience for Snap in case you missed it. 

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68 Notes

  1. isarma said: I’d be hurt, too. The law guardian dehumanized you and questioned the value of your concern. That’s not cool.
  2. tolivewithoutroads said: Hey! been reading for a while, & actually I think live in the same neighborhood… just wanted to say - what ur doing in these babies’ lives is so important &meaningful. I’m sorry that woman didn’t understand, but maybe you opened her eyes. Praying!
  3. mollysueschwarz said: you are an inspiration. if i still lived in nyc i would befriend the shit out of you!
  4. yournewfavorite said: I can’t believe she called you out like that. What is wrong with people? I hope you feel better now. Snap’s lucky to have you on his side, any fool could see that.
  5. stinawinasociallover said: Rebecca, you are a true blessing. Snap is so lucky to have someone ensure that he has a piece of his history with him. Much love.
  6. alinalogic said: You’re invested in a positive way and you keep getting pushed aside and being told you’re invested in a negative or null way. I would cry too.
  7. tehvalerie said: Snap is so lucky to have you in his life.