Me:Hi, so I understand the case worker sent you my email so you know what I'm upset about.
Did you get a chance to read it?
Yes and in the future you need to get your information from your case worker and not the babysitter. I'm not going to get into specifics but Jacket's Mom did not ask for strawberries. Jacket's mom is doing great--(more about Jacket's mom doing great- and more about Jacket's mom doing great). Everyone is so down on Jacket's mom but she really wants to parent.
That's great. I don't want to get into whether Jacket's mom is capable or not, I want to talk about what my responsibility is as a foster parent.
Your responsibility is to provide transition for Jacket. I know that Jacket's mom can be outrageous but she's trying. Your babysitter didn't say she had a problem, their exchange was pleasant.
It's not my babysitter who has a problem, she's just the messenger, I do. Did you get my note about Jacket's Mom holding onto toys?
I don't know what the problem is, you take a car service that the agency provides.
Uhm, no we don't. And no they don't.
So what are we supposed to do when Jacket is given a toy she likes and wants to play with at the next visit? Jacket was so cute pushing the stroller around the agency.
That's a good question. What might the options be?
Well, I still don't see what the problem is with you bringing them.
The problem is that I can't be responsible for the toys when then break or go missing.
Exactly. But Jacket's Mom calls her lawyer, who calls ACS, who calls the agency about it. I feel like I'm always in trouble. It's too much.
She can call her lawyer just like you can email everyone.
Sure. And I can set boundaries just like she can make demands.
And the shoes, I only requested the shoes because.....
But it's not just the shoes. It's the shoes and the snacks and the toys and her hair and specific clothes and I never seem to get it right. I can't be responsible for all of this.
Well Jacket's Mom didn't want to take the toy away from her because Jacket was attached to it.
That sounds like a good opportunity to work with Jacket's mom on...I have to separate Jacket from toys almost every day- at friends' houses, daycare, doctor's offices.
BUT SHE'S HER MOTHER IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT (and something about emotional attachment).
Jacket needs to have a transitional object that she takes home and brings back.
So the transitional objects are a couple of new toys every week (they've never asked for the same toy twice)? If there was only one toy like a doll or a blanket that would be feasible.
I'll work with her on that (tone totally changed here). And no one asked for three toys.
The doll, the doll stroller and the yellow toy.
So ok, there were three.
It's just a build up after all of these months, it's too much. I can't be held responsible... (I start crying- UGH I DON'T WANT TO CRY ON THE PHONE-- I essentially couldn't even speak anymore so we got off the phone.).
I don’t know you, but I appreciate what you’re doing. It’s hard enough being a parent under normal circumstances. Hang in there. You’re doing good work with Jacket, I can tell by the way you write about her.
Ugh. Why can’t they understand that this is so unreasonable? I’m sorry, and I’ll be hoping they open their eyes.