**New to my blog? You may want to start here**
-About me (if you must)
-Timeline
-Frequently Asked Questions
-A Typical Day
-The Sleep Report
-You're Evil If You Don't Co-Sleep
-"But Don't You Get Attached?"
-The Major Players
-How can Snap's Mom take him to rehab?
-Letter to Snap's Law Guardian
-Typical Snap Rehab Visit
-Visits SUCK
-Letter to Eaglet
-"White Babies"
-What's an ok motivation to foster?
Links
Become a Foster Care Parent in NYC
Fosterhood Forum (connect with others)
Other Fosterhoods
NYS Citizens’ Coalition for Children
New York Times series on Foster Care
Become a Court Appointed Advocate
National Foster Care Coalition
Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute (Best Research Site)
CFSR (the answer to all your questions)
"Crack Babies"- article by NYTimes
Theme by nostrich.
6 notes
Officers may ask “in a respectful manner”
I just found out from the NYSCCC newsletter that New York Family Courts are open to the public. I’m not sure knowing this would have made me feel any better on this day, but it’s good to know.
38 notes
Saw Snap the other day. To my surprise, his foster-to-adopt mom asked me if I could provide some respite by taking Snap and his adopted 4 year-old brother for a whole weekend. Sure!
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I saw Snap! His foster-to-adopt mom was incredibly sweet and welcoming. I didn’t stay long because four children between the ages of 2-4 was a bit much for me. But I got to pinch Snap’s cheeks, give and read him a book and snag a few photos.
40 notes
16 city blocks
Turns out, that’s how close Snap’s been living to me all this time.
His foster mom called and invited me to come visit. She practically squealed with delight when she learned how close by I am. Snap won’t have any recollection of me, but I’m excited to drop by and see him anyway. I was thinking of taking him a book and bringing some flowers for his foster family.
25 notes
Guess who's back?
- Snap's Mom: Hey Rebecca, it's me Snap's mom.
- Me: Hey, what's going on.
- Listen, they are sending me to Riker's. I don't know what for. I didn't do nothing. Do you think you could visit me?
- Oh, __Snap's Mom__, I really wish you'd call me when you weren't in jail or the hospital. What's going on with Snap?
- I don't know, I was supposed to go to court last week.
- I know, I went hoping that you'd be there.
- Listen, can you visit me this weekend?
- No, I'm sorry. I already have plans.
- Well, I'm here til the 21st, do you think you could put $5 or something in my commissary?
- You know that I don't give you money.
- I know, but just $3 or something, so I can get coffee?
- No, I'm sorry. I'm not interested in being your money tree. I'd much rather take you to lunch or dinner when you get-
- ---phone disconnected---
68 notes
I really don’t cry much. I’ve gone years without crying. But here I am again sitting outside of Snap’s permanency hearing on a curb crying. The hearing started with the law guardian asking the judge to not allow me in the court room. “She keeps showing up, She’s the former foster parent. I don’t know what she’s doing here.” I responded “I’m only here to make sure you, the attorney for Snap, get his lifebook” and the judge stated that I was welcome because she has an open court.
I was blown away.
I feel completely humiliated. I really need a tissue.
I held it together until the hearing was over. While leaving I teared-up and was trying to get out of the building as quickly as possible. The law guardian approached me and I offered her the book saying that I wouldn’t attend anymore if she doesn’t want me to. I defensively added “I’m an adoptee and I would want my baby pictures if I didn’t have them.” The desired effect worked because it was clear that she immediately felt like shit. The law guardian took the Lifebook, said it was beautiful and promised that Snap would get it. I’m still bawling my eyes out though and I don’t know why.
Update: Here’s a link to my last court experience for Snap in case you missed it.
22 notes
I answered a call from Snap's Mom (who's in prison)
- Snap's Mom: Rebecca, I'm in Riker's, I want to talk to you about Snap. Can you come visit me?
- Me: Wait, what happened, why are you back in jail?
- There was an old warrant out for me.
- Wouldn't that have been taken care of when you were in Riker's two weeks ago?
- No, it wasn't, could you....
- Ok, stop. You know I look everything up online. Inmates.com says that your charge is criminal possession of a controlled substance- a felony.
- I don't know...will you come visit me, please?
- Last time I visited you were high and you couldn't even hold a conversation.
- No that's because the doctor gave me drugs for my head, you know I was in the psychiatric hospital. Come visit me, please?
- It's a minimum of five hours, I'll see when I have the time again.
- Listen, I know you won't put money in my commissary but could you bring me some underwear again? Or even if you'd just mail me some T-shirts.
- <silence>
- Also, if you could bring me some crossword puzzles it would be much appreciated.
- What are your plans for Snap?
- Adoption.
- Then you HAVE to tell your lawyer.
- I know...
- Getting crossword puzzles to you in jail is not my priority. A permanent home for Snap (and our 10 minutes were up and the prison phone disconnected).
5 notes
Snap’s Mom called me last Thursday at 1:30am and left a very matter of fact message that she was back in Riker’s and could I send her money for her commissary.
Uhm, no.
She’s called every day and I’ve let the calls go to voicemail. She said she’ll be in for six months this time.
Added to the fosterhood forum: prison visits.
12 notes
Out of my 5-hour trip to Rikers Island, I only visited with Snap’s Mom for 10 minutes. She was high as a kite. Her head wobbled around, she giggled to herself, her mouth hung open, her eyes dilated and it looked as though she was going to topple out of her chair at any moment.
I pointed out to her that she seemed high and her response was that the prison gave her some psychotropic medication. I know the meds she mentioned and they don’t cause a person to behave that way. Having a conversation with Snap’s mom was completely impossible. She annoyingly begged for money but I reminded her that it wasn’t an option. I tried to ask her what was going on, brainstorm program options for when she gets released next week, encourage her to call her attorney but she was too preoccupied with the male visitors in the room.
I feel angry. Snap’s mom was doing well for so long. She’s just going to go back out on the streets Monday and while she’s quite savvy, I worry she’s going to wind up dead. I wondered out loud to her if the pressure and responsibility of Snap’s future were contributing factors to her ‘stress’- gently suggesting that if she took an active role in making a permanency plan (aka open adoption) for him that she might feel better. But, of course, this wasn’t a moment for insight.
Rikers Island itself wasn’t as much of a downer or as demoralizing as I expected it to be. As sacrilegious as this sounds, most of the time I felt as if I was in line for a ride a Disney World. Maybe it’s because someone referenced “tourism” in their response to my recent post on race issues and that word echoed through my head (reminds me of the cringe-worthy issue of disaster tourism and volunteer voyeurism). Or, maybe it’s just because I’m from Florida.
Near Rikers Island is a parking lot where people board the tram or monorail bus to get across the water. Once at the island you have the option of getting a locker. Then folks get in another line. One’s bag is checked a couple dozen times for outside food razor blades and drugs. Costumed Uniformed staff welcome and greet newcomers, direct the flow of traffic and encourage people to form additional lines.
I got a cool ticket with my picture on it.
My finger prints were laser scanned in Epcot’s Future World.
Everyone gets in line for another ride. While waiting for that bus a friendly lady, named Estella, standing in a souvenir Department of Health booth, offered me some Mickey Mouse ice cream an HIV test.
Standing in line, I eagerly and suspensefully waited for what was around the corner. Another room of lines? A ride? The chance to see the main character? My hand was stamped. I was sent to get a locker for my locker key (I shit you not). I put my stamped hand under the black light for approval to get through another set of secret doors. A staff person called me up to a curtain in the front to do a stupid Captain Hook dance shake out my clothes for the audience. More windows and tickets.
It probably says a lot about me that I find the structure of institutions somewhat warming and the orderliness a tad reassuring.
11 notes
How to dress for work by day and Riker’s by night
Wouldn’t this make for a good fashion article?
http://www.nyc.gov/html/doc/html/visit/visitor_dress_code.shtml
And when I looked on hopstop for directions, it told me to take a train to Queens and then WALK 52 MINUTES.
I’m only going to try and see Snap’s Mom today because it’s the only visit day before she’ll be released on Tuesday (according to inmates.com) and likely disappear again. Since I missed seeing her at court, I’d like to make an appearance.
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I haven’t forgotten about Snap
Some of you have asked for a Snap update and I realize that I left you hanging.
There’s a court date in August and I think Snap’s mom will emerge for it. I plan to attend. Currently, it’s assumed that Snap’s Mom is on the streets. Snap’s foster parents have decided that they are willing to adopt him should he become freed. It sounds like they are providing him with a healthy and stable home.
The only issue I see is that Snap’s mom doesn’t care so much for the foster family. Since she wants to surrender him for adoption to me, or possibly someone I help her find, he could have permanency now as opposed to a few more years in the system. However, I guess so long as he’s in only one home, it makes no difference to him how long he’s technically in foster care verses being adopted.
36 notes
A couple of notes to myself regarding court
I wasn’t expecting to be able to sit in on the hearing, I just thought I’d see Snap’s Mom in the waiting room. Turns out I was invited in and I wasn’t prepared in the least. Here are some notes to myself for next time:
1. In the future, Rebecca, don’t bring 6 tote bags of papers to grade even if you are going to dash back to teach a class. It might suggest homelessness and no one will ask for your long explanation of how art students’ papers include a lot of pages for graphics.
2. Next time when they say “raise your right hand” think other right.
3. When the judge asks you to identify yourself, “Rebecca, I guess I’m Snap’s Mom’s friend” is not sufficient.
4. When the judge kindly welcomes you to her courtroom and then asks you what your business is there, she is not asking for an epic poem that details every word spoken between yourself and a chronic drug abuser since 2009.
5. In the future your mantra will be “I’m here to support permanency for Snap in whatever way I can while also being a community support to Snap’s Mom”.
6. When #5 doesn’t work and the case worker pulls you aside and asks “what’s your deal- for real” you will never, ever, ever again say “It’s better than wiping old people’s asses in a nursing home”.
7. Instead of saying #6 you will have a well formulated sound bite about how child welfare doesn’t need another non-profit (as is tempting to make- if only for a reason to design a cool logo and put it on my CV), it needs people willing to do the dirty work of making a long-term commitment to emotionally (yes, I said it) support one or two families through their years in the system.
8. If #7 fails just cop to being a nerdy teacher’s pet that wants to impress her MAPP (intro course to foster parenting) teacher by fulfilling the family-to-family model by taking it to a literal extent never seen before.
9. If #7 also fails, you will stand up on the court tables and scream “I’M HERE TO STEAL BABIES. GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR BABIES. I LOVE IT WHEN THEY SHIT AND BARF ALL OVER MY AREA RUGS AND FRIENDS. BABIES, BABIES, BABIES. OTHER PEOPLE’S BABIES. GIVE. THEM. TO ME. I HAVE A DEAL WITH CHARLIE SHEEN TO RAISE THEM UP TO BE HIS GODDESSES AND GODS. WINNER WINNER TIGER BLOOD, WINNER WINNER SALAD SPINNER!” And then I’ll calmly walk out. Nothing will happen to me since everyone is new to the case no one knows my name. Jacket’s case is in another court and life will continue as usual.
2 notes
I heart e-courts. I saw that Snap’s Mom has another court date today so I made it. No sight of Snap’s Mom yet.
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I finally got through to someone at Snap’s Mom’s rehab and they said she left.
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I had told Snap’s Mom that I would meet her at court today but I didn’t make it. I woke-up with the worse migraine and the idea of traveling almost three hours today seemed like too much. Jacket also has several court days coming up and I’m exhausted just thinking about it.
I had no way of calling Snap’s Mom because she is in the new mommy-and-me rehab. I feel awful about it.
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